Peace.

I found this on my computer today. I typed it on October 19th. The day before we went to court to see if Andrew was eligible for adoption. I am not sure why I never posted it. I wanted to make sure I put it in my blog today so that when the day comes I look back and wonder what I was thinking with so much burden on my heart.. 8 months pregnant and ending a long 18 month wait to change my son's last name. I am thankful to see that I felt such peace. There certainly is a peace that passes understanding.


Tomorrow is the day. Long waited for. Long prayed for. I am more confident today than I ever have been that God has heard us. He heard my pleas, and yours. And I am confident that tomorrow, He will give us the answer we have begged for. For the first time I remember, I have a peace that I do not understand. I know that on a normal day, I would not feel the calm that I feel today with something so heavy weighing. This too is an answer to prayer.

I can see God perfectly in each step of the last fifteen months. I see Him in DHR’s choice to call us to care for our sweet man, I see Him in the natural bond that formed immediately and permanently between Tim and I and our little boy, I see him in things that have worked out that I probably should not give details about for now. I see him in the happy, healthy little boy that I love.

The sermon Sunday hit home for me. The two previous weeks I had listened to sermons on or touching on adoption and I cried through both of them. But this Sunday, the sermon was about dealing with uncertainty and hard times. And the major points are that we should pray, ask others to pray, pray specifically, and then celebrate in anticipation of victory. I have never had the confidence before to celebrate simply because I ANTICIPATED victory. But so many times aren’t we encouraged to do that? Knock and it will be opened. Ask and you will receive. And doesn’t Mark 11:24 say it all? “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

I am choosing to believe the Maker and Creator, I am choosing to be comforted in ALL that he has promised me. Not because I am for one second worthy of one good thing, but because God has chosen to love me and Andrew.