A Different Perspective.

I have been in a training all week that is intended to certify me as a foster parent trainer. It is a roll that I have long desired to fill, and after one more week of training, I will be able to.

We sit there all day talking about what we need to teach foster parents, and while it is all very valuable, I cannot help but think about the things you can only learn from experience. It is all very black and white in the textbook, but we all know that life is far from a textbook.

We talk about gains and losses. We talk about managing behaviors. We talk about knowing our family in order to serve other children. And all of that is very real, but nothing can prepare you for the true sense of loss you, the foster parent, go through. We talk a lot about the losses birth parents go through when their child goes into foster care. And that’s a real thing. And we talk about the losses that the child encounters during their foster care journey, again so real. But what we don’t talk about enough is the loss the foster parents feel when a child that they have loved, and cared for, and probably in some way helped to heal have to leave.

I talked to a precious friend today, whose sweet babies will leave her soon. And through her tears, she kept telling me.. “I know I signed up for this but…” like somehow because her heart was big enough to love children who are not her own everyday, she isn’t entitled to be devastated when they leave her.

People often tell foster parents “I just could never do it.. I would be too sad when the kids left.” And foster parents are usually pretty offended by that. Foster parents make the decision to take children into their home knowing that their heart will break when they leave. We truly know the day we meet the children that eventually we will encounter pain when they leave. But we have decided that impacting their lives in a positive way means more to us than living the rest of our lives missing pieces of our hearts.
I cannot help but continue to hear her hurt. And all I could tell her was this is our ministry. This is our offering to God. We are sacrificing our hearts to show Jesus to HIS children.

If you know a foster parent, when you see a child leave them.. hug them. Encourage them. Love them. Acknowledge their loss. Because it is so real.