Service

I called my granddaddy tonight to thank him for his service to our country. His response moved me.

He said, "I am thankful I had the opportunity to serve".

Does that mean he is thankful that he had to leave his mom and dad and family and friends? That he is thankful for the freezing nights he spent in the Army? Does it mean that he is thankful for the things he had to see that when he speaks of, still over sixty years later, bring tears to his eyes?

No, I don't think it does. What it means, I think, is all the hurt and loneliness, all the fear and exhaustion, all of the unknowns were worth it. They were worth it because he was serving a greater cause. They were worth it because what he was doing mattered. And what he did, along with hundreds of thousands of others, made a difference.

And as most things that move me do, it brought me back to my service. My service to God. Am I thankful for the opportunity to serve?

And the true answer is, no, not always. Some of the time I wish someone else would do it so I didn't have to. Some of the time I long for a "normal" life, full of common place, day to day, twenty nine year old life events. But that isn't who God made me to be.

He called me to face the hurt that comes sometimes with serving others, and serve anyway. He called me to face the loneliness that sometimes comes with having a family that "looks" different than most, and hold my head up. He called me to meet the fear that I feel as I try to help guide the lives of those who need me, courageously. He gives me strength through exhaustion that I didn't know was possible. He promises me a bright future. He promises me eternal life. With God, the unknowns aren't overwhelming. Because I may not know the path that leads me to the end, but I know where I end up. And I am banking on a big crown when I arrive :)

My service since I entered adulthood has been primarily two fold. I have served as a teacher. The greatest service job I know of. Day in and day out for months, you have a true opportunity to serve. And to inspire. And to change lives. I resigned from that role officially this week. Heavy heartedly. At this stage in my life, it was the right thing to do, but still a hard thing to do.

The second way I have served has been through foster parenting. Unlike teaching, it isn't a job. It is trading in your life to better the lives of others. It isn't an 8 til 5, and it doesn't stop. It doesn't come with a lot of thank you's or pats on the back. But, you do have the opportunity to change lives. There are many sleepless nights, and worries. There are a lot of decisions you wish you could make for people, and a lot of lessons you see learned the hard way. There are many gray hairs involved. But, you get the opportunity to change lives. We do not plan to renew our license when it expires in a few months. We have our hands full now, and we know the importance of providing stability for our children. I am thankful for the five years we have spent trying to really better lives.

Recently, on Mother's Day, J wrote me a letter inside of the card she gave me. In it she said, "I hope one day to be just like you, Mrs. Lindsey". I write that tearfully. Because maybe like granddaddy, but in a really different way, I have been serving a greater cause. Maybe what I have been doing really mattered. Maybe we really did make a difference.

I am looking forward to finding new ways to serve. I know primarily my service will be working to raise God fearing children, who grow up to serve our Creator. Pray for us in this transition. Pray for me as I find my place.

Pray that like Granddaddy I will be able to say, "I am thankful for the opportunity to serve".