Ever since 9-11.. it is safe to say I have not had the most celebrated day for my birthday. Rightfully, my birthday is spent mourning the loss of thousands of Americans who were killed due an act of hate. So I guess ever since my 17th birthday.. the day of the terrorist attacks.. I have not been really excited about my birthday. This year the lack of excitement hit me even harder than most. I just could not get pumped about my birthday. My friend Lauren was going to take me out for dinner and pedicures.. Tim was taking me out of town for the weekend.. my mom had planned my bday sunday lunch.. and while I was looking forward to all of those things very much.. I just didn't feel very "birthdayish". They called me from the office Friday morning to tell me Tim had sent me flowers for my birthday, and they would bring them down after reading. I was not surprised, but thankful. Tim is such a thoughtful man. Right after I hung up with the office my phone rang again. It was my mom and I picked up the phone. She told me Tim had been taking to the hospital by the paramedics.. and I needed to be there asap. It was the most awful feeling I have ever had in my entire life. Like my heart just hit the floor. I pretty much ran out of school crying (I often thank the Lord for my understanding, christian boss). When I got to the hospital Tim was alert, and concerned. After many tests.. they admitted him for the night. Spending the night in the hospital is awful. You don't sleep, it's uncomfortable.. we waited Saturday morning to see his doctor only to find out she would not be coming to see him. We were discharged with no test results etc.. by the on call doctor. I was so worried. He rested Saturday night and Sunday (and at some point started running a temp!) And Monday morning I took him to my doctor.. who I have the greatest confidence in.. and believe has with the Lord's help saved my daddy a time or two. Dr. Patel is sending us for more tests today.. I feel sure Tim is fine.. and I am glad that Dr. Patel is checking him out to be safe. Between the babies being sick, my issue a couple of weeks ago, and Tim's problems now my feelings are spread pretty thin. I always desire your prayers :)
Next year, let's just skip my birthday please! I think it is cursed!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
One Month.
I haven't written in a long time. School started, and things got crazy. Mornings start before six.. and we usually finish putting babies to bed around 8. So.. at the end of the day I am so tired.. makes it harder to write.. although if you know me you know that I always have plenty to say.
I have a really great class this year. The Lord really blessed me with them. They are sweet and I often think about how much potential they have. I always appreciate your prayers for them.
One month. That is the projected time left that the babies will be with us. Of course, that could change. These estimates are always based on circumstances, and as we all know those can change. It pretty much breaks my heart. I am not sure you can understand how absolutely attached to babies you can become in three months.. but it is unbelievable. I guess when you wake up in the middle of the night with them, and take care of them when they are sick.. and watch them as they learn new words.. and how to pray.. When you take them to their first ballgame.. or their first trip to the beach.. when you wipe tears.. and hold hands.. change diapers.. celebrate birthdays.. when you are here day in and day out.. I guess how could you help but feel like they are yours. And so the thought of them leaving breaks my heart, I told Tim I think I would feel better if I could just go somewhere and cry really hard.. cry until I had just let it all out. Then maybe I would be okay. Then maybe I could have some peace. We decided to foster with the hopes of making a difference.. with the desire to do the Lord's work.. and I guess at the end of the day that is where I have to find my peace.. knowing that through heartbreak and sad feelings.. I am trying to do what I believe is right. I know I am rambling.. I have become a rambler in my old age.. but it does feel better to say these things. God has blessed me to have them, that is something I know for sure.
They are two wonderful little people.
I have a really great class this year. The Lord really blessed me with them. They are sweet and I often think about how much potential they have. I always appreciate your prayers for them.
One month. That is the projected time left that the babies will be with us. Of course, that could change. These estimates are always based on circumstances, and as we all know those can change. It pretty much breaks my heart. I am not sure you can understand how absolutely attached to babies you can become in three months.. but it is unbelievable. I guess when you wake up in the middle of the night with them, and take care of them when they are sick.. and watch them as they learn new words.. and how to pray.. When you take them to their first ballgame.. or their first trip to the beach.. when you wipe tears.. and hold hands.. change diapers.. celebrate birthdays.. when you are here day in and day out.. I guess how could you help but feel like they are yours. And so the thought of them leaving breaks my heart, I told Tim I think I would feel better if I could just go somewhere and cry really hard.. cry until I had just let it all out. Then maybe I would be okay. Then maybe I could have some peace. We decided to foster with the hopes of making a difference.. with the desire to do the Lord's work.. and I guess at the end of the day that is where I have to find my peace.. knowing that through heartbreak and sad feelings.. I am trying to do what I believe is right. I know I am rambling.. I have become a rambler in my old age.. but it does feel better to say these things. God has blessed me to have them, that is something I know for sure.
They are two wonderful little people.
Monday, August 3, 2009
It's the Last Day of SUMMER!! :(
I am not super sad that summer is over.. I love the beginning of the school year when my new babies come.. and I get to know them. I love the excitement that everyone feels at the beginning of the year. It is a new chance for the children and the teachers to make this year an even better year. But this year is different. I am going to miss being home with the babies. In this short time, (about 7 weeks) I have gotten really used to our little summer routine.. waking up around 8:30.. breakfast.. cartoons.. bike riding.. lunch with mom or friends if we are lucky.. and afternoon naps.. waking up just in time for Tim to get home and have a fun night together. I will miss the summer days :) But the babies are excited about their schools.. and I know that we will make a nice routine out of the school year days and nights as well :)
I am continuing with the lady bug theme in my classroom. I just added to it this year.. and believe it or not.. my room is almost ready! Their are still copies to run.. and floors to vaccum.. but for the most part.. I am ready.
I should go! It was a happy wonderful life changing summer :) Prayers as the school year begins!
Love to all :)
I am continuing with the lady bug theme in my classroom. I just added to it this year.. and believe it or not.. my room is almost ready! Their are still copies to run.. and floors to vaccum.. but for the most part.. I am ready.
I should go! It was a happy wonderful life changing summer :) Prayers as the school year begins!
Love to all :)
Friday, July 24, 2009
In the words of Miley.. "It's the climb.."
"There is always going to be another mountain. I am always going to want to make it move. It's always going to be an uphill battle, and sometimes I am going to have to lose.... it's not about how fast I get there.. it's not about what's waiting on the other side.. it's the climb."
Who would of thought I could relate to Miley? But I do. I think it is almost human nature to wish our lives away. We want to drive, then we want to go to college, then we want to get married, then we want to have babies, then we want them to go to college, then we want to retire, and so on.. and sometimes I catch myself doing just that.. wishing my life away. I am working hard to be thankful for the moment. And I am making progress.. I am trying to live right here in the moment.. and not worry about what will happen tomorrow.. or wish away today. Right now.. today.. this minute.. I am blessed beyond imagination.. and I am so thankful.
VBS was wonderful.. and the boy ask me 100 times yesterday and today why we cannot go to church.. I tried to explain.. but he misses his class and sweet teachers. I am so thankful he has such a desire to be at church. It makes me think maybe we are doing some things right, with God's help.
He had to go to the doctor yesterday after spending the day with his "friends". He wants everyone to know that Anna and William are his friends. He loves them very much. And everytime I look at them I cannot help but remember the first time they came into our lives.. my instant love for Anna and William.. and how they are proof that God is in control. And that He blesses us. They are God's work walking around in my life. It makes me tear up to think about what a blessing they have been to me, and my family
... Anyway, after the boy played with them yesterday.. we had to go to the doctor. We waited for two hours.. and when we finally got back there the Doctor kept referring to me as "mommy". That is a fragile word so I told him I was "Miss Lindsey" and I was his foster mom. He just kind of looked at me. Then he wanted to know every detail of the boy's life. I told him what I could.. and it's like it just couldnt sink in.. this normal.. beautiful boy.. was a foster child. I think somehow when we think of foster children we think of someone withdrawn, and unwanted. It amazes me how everyone is interested in their story. And I am glad they are interested, I hope it will encourage more people to make a difference in whatever way they are able. My parents, my brother, my grandparents, Aunt Tina and Uncle Stan, Lauren, Tim's family, my church family.. they are all making such a difference just in their relationships with the babies. I am now a true believer in.. "it takes a villiage". Because without their help we wouldn't get by :)
Tomorrow the plan is to spend our whole day out at the pool.. I love Saturdays with Tim home :)
Who would of thought I could relate to Miley? But I do. I think it is almost human nature to wish our lives away. We want to drive, then we want to go to college, then we want to get married, then we want to have babies, then we want them to go to college, then we want to retire, and so on.. and sometimes I catch myself doing just that.. wishing my life away. I am working hard to be thankful for the moment. And I am making progress.. I am trying to live right here in the moment.. and not worry about what will happen tomorrow.. or wish away today. Right now.. today.. this minute.. I am blessed beyond imagination.. and I am so thankful.
VBS was wonderful.. and the boy ask me 100 times yesterday and today why we cannot go to church.. I tried to explain.. but he misses his class and sweet teachers. I am so thankful he has such a desire to be at church. It makes me think maybe we are doing some things right, with God's help.
He had to go to the doctor yesterday after spending the day with his "friends". He wants everyone to know that Anna and William are his friends. He loves them very much. And everytime I look at them I cannot help but remember the first time they came into our lives.. my instant love for Anna and William.. and how they are proof that God is in control. And that He blesses us. They are God's work walking around in my life. It makes me tear up to think about what a blessing they have been to me, and my family
... Anyway, after the boy played with them yesterday.. we had to go to the doctor. We waited for two hours.. and when we finally got back there the Doctor kept referring to me as "mommy". That is a fragile word so I told him I was "Miss Lindsey" and I was his foster mom. He just kind of looked at me. Then he wanted to know every detail of the boy's life. I told him what I could.. and it's like it just couldnt sink in.. this normal.. beautiful boy.. was a foster child. I think somehow when we think of foster children we think of someone withdrawn, and unwanted. It amazes me how everyone is interested in their story. And I am glad they are interested, I hope it will encourage more people to make a difference in whatever way they are able. My parents, my brother, my grandparents, Aunt Tina and Uncle Stan, Lauren, Tim's family, my church family.. they are all making such a difference just in their relationships with the babies. I am now a true believer in.. "it takes a villiage". Because without their help we wouldn't get by :)
Tomorrow the plan is to spend our whole day out at the pool.. I love Saturdays with Tim home :)
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Reality Check.
Sometimes.. it is good to have a reality check.
The reality is I am not in control. God is.
The reality is I cannot do anything alone. I need God's support.
The reality is I do not know the way. I need God to guide me.
Yesterday was kind of a reality check kind of day, all day long. The hardest thing I have found as far as being a foster parent is... loving these babies the way they need and deserve to be loved.. and somehow trying to protect my heart for when they go. Some days I get lost in the idea of this being "my" little family. When in reality, my greatest hope is for my babies to get to go home. Not because I don't love them, and not because I don't wish they could stay forever.. but because I know home is the best place for them. The boy is old enough especially to be aware of the situation.. and I know at the end of the day no matter how hard we love him.. no matter how good we are to him.. it is human nature to want to be with the people you spent the first years of your life with.. your parents. And I guess yesterday, everything just kind of hit me hard. This is all a learning experience. Just prayers :)
Today, the babies and I went to Doug Locklear's (or as I call him.. Lauren's husband :) ) deployment ceremony. He is going to Iraq, and I just have this great sense of thankfulness for Doug and for the sacrifice he is making going to Iraq.. but too, for Lauren. I can't imagine how much she will miss him the next few months. I just pray for their strength and their safety. And God's greatest blessings for them. I used to think the saying was a little cheesy.. but it hit home with me today.. Freedom truly is not free.
Tim will be home soon. I should go!
The reality is I am not in control. God is.
The reality is I cannot do anything alone. I need God's support.
The reality is I do not know the way. I need God to guide me.
Yesterday was kind of a reality check kind of day, all day long. The hardest thing I have found as far as being a foster parent is... loving these babies the way they need and deserve to be loved.. and somehow trying to protect my heart for when they go. Some days I get lost in the idea of this being "my" little family. When in reality, my greatest hope is for my babies to get to go home. Not because I don't love them, and not because I don't wish they could stay forever.. but because I know home is the best place for them. The boy is old enough especially to be aware of the situation.. and I know at the end of the day no matter how hard we love him.. no matter how good we are to him.. it is human nature to want to be with the people you spent the first years of your life with.. your parents. And I guess yesterday, everything just kind of hit me hard. This is all a learning experience. Just prayers :)
Today, the babies and I went to Doug Locklear's (or as I call him.. Lauren's husband :) ) deployment ceremony. He is going to Iraq, and I just have this great sense of thankfulness for Doug and for the sacrifice he is making going to Iraq.. but too, for Lauren. I can't imagine how much she will miss him the next few months. I just pray for their strength and their safety. And God's greatest blessings for them. I used to think the saying was a little cheesy.. but it hit home with me today.. Freedom truly is not free.
Tim will be home soon. I should go!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
So much has happened :)
I wish that I could post much more often.. but time just gets away from me these days! We had a fun fourth of July.. mom and dad came over.. and Tim's dad and stepmom did as well. We had a good time. We swam and cooked out... good memories :)
The next day we left for vacation! We had a wonderful time. We went sliding down rocks, and riding up mountains. The boy really loved going to the local team's baseball game. Mr. Tim got him a balloon and that just made his day :) It was a good trip. On the way home, we stopped to see Tim's sister and everyone had a great visit. But.. when we got home.. it was a sight for sore eyes!!
This week, I am trying to focus on my classroom. I am behind in preparing some this year, but I am learning so much more how to go with the flow.. and it is working for me.
I have one day of training, and two the next. I am looking forward to them.
A big thanks to Aunt Tina for keeping the babies today. They had such a wonderful time.. and I got so much done! God has really blessed me with such a wonderful family. I am thankful every single day.
The next day we left for vacation! We had a wonderful time. We went sliding down rocks, and riding up mountains. The boy really loved going to the local team's baseball game. Mr. Tim got him a balloon and that just made his day :) It was a good trip. On the way home, we stopped to see Tim's sister and everyone had a great visit. But.. when we got home.. it was a sight for sore eyes!!
This week, I am trying to focus on my classroom. I am behind in preparing some this year, but I am learning so much more how to go with the flow.. and it is working for me.
I have one day of training, and two the next. I am looking forward to them.
A big thanks to Aunt Tina for keeping the babies today. They had such a wonderful time.. and I got so much done! God has really blessed me with such a wonderful family. I am thankful every single day.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
You are my best friend.. You are where my heart is.. And at the end of the day.. I get to come home to you.
I was so aggrevated with Tim yesterday. At first, I felt as though I should not share that fact. But it is natural, people get aggrevated.. no need to be ashamed. I just felt so weighed down with doctor's appointments, and sickish babies. I felt sorry for myself that I had not had any real interaction with the outside world most all week.. bottom line.. I was having a pity party. And so when Tim got home.. and got to play with the babies instead of punish.. and got to get a shower and hit the door again for church activities.. I was aggrevated.
And then.. I got to thinking about his day. He gets up at 5 or before everyday. Alot of times, while I am still warm in my bed.. he is washing dishes or clothes. He gets home to take care of the pool, the yard, the house, the babies. And he rarely hits the bed before 11.
I guess realizing all of that kind of put things in prospective for me. I am so blessed.. and so thankful that I am married to a man that loves me, and us, and wants all the very best things for us. I am thankful for his hardwork, I thankful for his desire to do the very best, I am thankful that God gave him to me.
So my pity party is completed :)
I am back to reality and very thankful!
And then.. I got to thinking about his day. He gets up at 5 or before everyday. Alot of times, while I am still warm in my bed.. he is washing dishes or clothes. He gets home to take care of the pool, the yard, the house, the babies. And he rarely hits the bed before 11.
I guess realizing all of that kind of put things in prospective for me. I am so blessed.. and so thankful that I am married to a man that loves me, and us, and wants all the very best things for us. I am thankful for his hardwork, I thankful for his desire to do the very best, I am thankful that God gave him to me.
So my pity party is completed :)
I am back to reality and very thankful!
