A Different Perspective.

I have been in a training all week that is intended to certify me as a foster parent trainer. It is a roll that I have long desired to fill, and after one more week of training, I will be able to.

We sit there all day talking about what we need to teach foster parents, and while it is all very valuable, I cannot help but think about the things you can only learn from experience. It is all very black and white in the textbook, but we all know that life is far from a textbook.

We talk about gains and losses. We talk about managing behaviors. We talk about knowing our family in order to serve other children. And all of that is very real, but nothing can prepare you for the true sense of loss you, the foster parent, go through. We talk a lot about the losses birth parents go through when their child goes into foster care. And that’s a real thing. And we talk about the losses that the child encounters during their foster care journey, again so real. But what we don’t talk about enough is the loss the foster parents feel when a child that they have loved, and cared for, and probably in some way helped to heal have to leave.

I talked to a precious friend today, whose sweet babies will leave her soon. And through her tears, she kept telling me.. “I know I signed up for this but…” like somehow because her heart was big enough to love children who are not her own everyday, she isn’t entitled to be devastated when they leave her.

People often tell foster parents “I just could never do it.. I would be too sad when the kids left.” And foster parents are usually pretty offended by that. Foster parents make the decision to take children into their home knowing that their heart will break when they leave. We truly know the day we meet the children that eventually we will encounter pain when they leave. But we have decided that impacting their lives in a positive way means more to us than living the rest of our lives missing pieces of our hearts.
I cannot help but continue to hear her hurt. And all I could tell her was this is our ministry. This is our offering to God. We are sacrificing our hearts to show Jesus to HIS children.

If you know a foster parent, when you see a child leave them.. hug them. Encourage them. Love them. Acknowledge their loss. Because it is so real.

From a Foster Mom's Heart

A child walked into my home today. Outside of one simple suitcase, she carried everything she owned in trash bags or old boxes. And that really hit me. And it really hurt me. She moves from home to home, place to place with everything she owns in tow. She doesn’t know how long she will stay, sometimes she probably even wonders if she should bother to unpack. No real place is hers. Everything is temporary. And I know she has to long for permanent. Long for a place. A family. People who can’t ask that she be moved to a new foster home, people who love her regardless and are totally committed to her success. Don’t you think at the end of the day she feels really alone?

Sometimes when DHR calls us about a child, I selfishly wonder how I will fit this child into my life? Do they fit in my schedule? And I write that now with tears in my eyes. Ashamed. Ashamed that I take someones life so lightly. And I put myself and what I want up on such a pedestal. And almost always I can find a place in my “busy life” to agree to take the child, but the fact that it is even a thought is embarrassing.

I wasn’t any easy fit for Jesus. He couldn’t just fit me in His schedule, He had to die for me to be His. And He did that willingly. Willingly. I know that I should do more good works “willingly”. With less thought of myself and more thought of others. I ask God almost everyday.. less of me and more of THEE. Now to just actually live that out.

I know that I cannot take every homeless child. I know that there will be times that a child would not thrive in our home due to other children or circumstances. And I know that I will come across children who don’t want my help or love, and won’t choose to stay in our home. But I also know there are a lot of children who I could share my blessings with. There are a lot of children who need our structure and positive expectations. There are a lot of opportunities for less of self, more of THEE.
Have I asked you lately to consider fostering or adopting? It isn’t easy. It’s hard. Sometimes its really discouraging. You will leave meetings with DHR and children’s families.. hurting. It will cost you money and time. You won’t have the world’s view of a “perfect family”. You may be different colors sometimes, you may have children of all ages. And some days you will wonder what in the world you have gotten yourself into!

But most days you will go to bed totally at peace. You will attend your 5th graders “Open Mic Night” to hear her read an essay in front of dozens of people about how the happiest time in her life has been in your home. You will cheer as you see all the hard work and love you have put into someone who was once a stranger walk across the stage and graduate. You might have the beautiful priviledge of taking home a precious baby from the hospital and ensuring that he or she is totally loved in their first days. You are not only meeting a need, but providing a ministry. A ministry to those we are specifically called to care for. James 1:27
And maybe you can’t foster or adopt. Some people have the heart for it, but their spouse is hesitant. There is always something you can do! If you know me personally, I would love to give you ideas. If you don’t, call your local DHR and ask how you can help. Let’s all take the children who need us into our hearts, and help make their lives as positive as we can.

Be the change.

Fast Forward

I am so far behind in blogging. I really love to blog, and I hate I have missed so much of our summer! Tim had a training in Iowa for the first two weeks of June. Bravely, I decided to go and take our babies. It was two weeks in a hotel room with a one and two year old. I was afraid they were going to tear the room apart.. but they really didn't and considering our circumstances, they did really well. We visited the Amish country which I loved. Who knows.. you may see me and the kids riding through town on a horse and buggy one day! And we also went to Chicago. Tim has always wanted to go to a Cubs game, so I am really thankful that he got to experience that. We went to Navy Pier and rode the ferris wheel.. which I have always wished for. It was a really good two weeks with my loves. But as you can imagine.. we were all beyond happy to come home!

Last week we had bible school, have I blogged about our new church? With a heavy heart about a month ago we changed churches. Tim got an offer to work with a church where one of his dear friends is the preacher. He has a heart for working with youth, and it felt like a good fit. I very much miss our church family in Fort Deposit, but I know for now that we are in the right place with the right people. Please pray about this new ministry! Bible school was a lot of fun and all of our children (five currently!!) really gained a lot from being there. Cates has not warmed up to her new bible class yet, but I know she will. I praying about it regularly.

Father's Day was also really special. We had dad over the Saturday night before and we grilled out (he actually did the grilling!) and spent time together it was wonderful. Grandmama and Granddaddy joined us as they had done for Mother's Day and they always add fun to our group!

This week we have been home settling into our new normal. I feel sure that I will continue to become more comfortable in my new role working at home.


:)

Ten Years.

A facebook group was recently started to begin to organize my ten year high school reunion. And it’s a great thought, but it made me feel old. Old, and like where did ten years go?! I remember so clearly the night I graduated. I remember feeling kind of standoffish from the classmates that I knew and loved so dearly.. because I was scared and sad to be leaving them. I remember hugging Melissa while she cried so hard.. and promising that graduation did change anything.. we would be friends for our lifetime. A promise that I am so thankful we have kept. I remember my daddy crying. And my family going to my grandmoms after for cake and snacks. And I remember leaving the next morning for a summer job that would take me away, and not realizing that I would never again really “live” with mama and daddy outside of school breaks.

It is wild to think that I had no idea how wonderful my life would end up. I didn’t know that God had in store for me a Godly man who would provide for me and love me better than I could have ever imagined. I had no idea that God would see fit to make me sweet Andrew’s mother, or that He had planned for me a baby girl who looks just like her daddy. Ten years ago, I had no idea that I had not even touched the very best things that would ever happen to me. And that makes me really excited about the future. I don’t know now what God has in store for me in the next ten years. I pray that He will continue to bless my life as he has. It has certainly not been without rough spots, but it is a wonderful life.

I don't know if I will be able to attend the reunion, but I would love to see what really good things have happened to the people who were such a big part of my life for so long.

Dealing With a Bad Day.. and making changes.

Do you have any advice? Is there a sure fire way to recover from a bad day? If there is, share it.

I wouldn't say that I have many bad days. Probably not even my fair share. But when I do as I have lately. How do you get over it?

Lately, I have had some less than lovely days. Days of sickness. Days of disappointment. Days of being overwhelmed. And I have found that while I am not an awesome "bounce backer", I am a pretty good "get thruer". I don't get over hurt feelings super fast, I can't pretend we are fine if we are not, and sometimes there are not enough of me to get it all done.. but I get by.

I don't get by gracefully always. And I certainly don't get by alone. But none the less, I get by. Before I go to bed at night, tasks are complete, people are taken care of, and the world goes on. Before I leave work each day, my room is straight and my mind is prepared for the next day. None of that happens without alot of help from alot of people, but it happens.

But still.. is it enough to feel like you just "get thru" a day? I don't think so. Our days are limited and while they cannot all be filled with enjoyment and peace, I think that most of them should. I realized towards the end of this school year a great need for more "good days". And that meant some changes. I am not good at change, never have been. Change is hard, but I am finding as I get older, change is necessary.

After alot of prayer, and seeking advice from others, Tim and I decided that I would not return to my school next year. It was a hard decision for me for alot of reasons. Financially, it is a leap of faith. Emotionally, it is the only school where I have ever worked. I have put in alot of love, time, blood, sweat, and tears there. I have learned a hundred lessons there, a few of them the hard way. How do you walk away from six years of hard work? It isn't easy. But I know that my primary job on this earth is to be a good mom. I know that you can be a good mom and work 40 hours a week (or more!) my mom proved that. But lately, due to alot of details that are better not blogged about, I wasn't able to be the wife and mother I needed to be and carry the burden that I was at work.

So in three weeks.. I am a stay at home mom. Now I will say, if a dream job comes available, I will take it, but unless that happens.. I will be home with my babies. I have had a job since I was 14! so.. that's almost 15 years. And while I know stay at home moms are offended when what they do is not referred to as a "job", it won't be the job that I am used to. I am used to clocking in and out. I am used to having a boss, and deadlines. It's going to be a big change. One that I would certainly appreciate you praying about!

Be the change you want to see in the world....

I have always tried to please everyone. Have I been successful? No. But, I have tried. Approval from others has always been important to me, too important. I agree to things that I dread, and I obligate myself to activities that overextend me. Why? Because I want to make you happy.

Lately, I have really failed at making the world happy. And you know what? It has been a really good thing. I have learned so much.

First I learned, some people will never be happy. There are some people that you will work to make happy day in and day out, and it will never happen. You will do everything you know to encourage or inspire them, and there will be nothing. You will always come up a little short, their situation will always be in their eyes desperate, and you won’t really be able to make a difference for them.

I also learned that there are some people who will be happy with you and for you as long as they are getting their way. I know I often fall into this category sometimes. And I need to work on it. It’s easy to be happy when you are getting what you want. The real test is being happy for others when you wish the situation was different, or finding happiness in others happiness even when you are not being benefitted by the circumstances. These are the people that I am learning to deal with. And learning to accept myself, that sometimes, even when others aren’t happy, you have to do what you believe to be best.

And then there are the people who will always encourage you. People that you seem to please without a lot of effort. People that you know are on your side. People that instead of always working to feel like you are pleasing, you just have general love and acceptance from. I need to work to be this for more people.

It is tiring always feeling like you are working to make others happy. It is hard to feel like you are trying to the lone encourager in a sea of discouragement. I know. I’ve been there. So why don’t we all smile at each other more? Let’s write each other more notes to build one another up. Let’s laugh more, and berate less. Instead of waiting to feel encouraged BY someone, go out and encourage someone. And realize, like I have.. every decision won’t be a popular one. Everything you do won’t be appreciated or valued, but a lot of it will. A lot of your efforts will bear fruit. And a lot of times, in really surprising places.

Hopeful.

Hope is one of the very first friends in life that I remember having. I moved to Fort Dale when I was in first grade, and shortly after she and I became best friends.

We lived down the road from each other, and many summer days we walked to one another’s houses to swim or play. We played city league softball together for years. We spent many nights at the Fort Deposit Spirit Club field watching our daddy’s play softball, or playing ourselves. We ran through Calico Fort like we owned it. It was a beautiful childhood, filled with precious memories.

Hope’s parents were divorced, and she lived with her dad. One Christmas we were concerned about him not having enough gifts so we got all the change we could find and we went to “Bill’s Dollar Store” for her to buy him gifts. I am sure that those dollar gifts were far from the nicest things he received, but I know that even now as an adult, I have not seen gifts given with any more love and pride than the ones Hope gave her dad that Christmas.

Our friendship endured a lot. Divorces and deaths. Moves. We grew up together. And I thank God that he chose Hope for me to share some of those first times life lessons with.

We went on vacations together. The beach most often, but once to Disney World. I remember her mom telling us that a lot of friends would come along, but that we should stick together. And she was right. A lot of friends did come along. And we traveled through different groups of friends, but at the end of the day when we really need something, we have always found our way back to the first real friendship that I remember.

I greatly appreciate her daddy and hold him in high regard. Any dad who will raise his child alone, should be really respected. As a mother, I know that being a single parent would be so hard. As a dad, I am sure at times it felt impossible. But he did a really good job, and as adults I love to see the friendship they share. My daddy preached Hope’s wedding when she married Ty a couple of years ago, and the bonds of our family run deep and are permanent.

Life gives you few friends who stick with you through it all. Few friends who are close enough to you to tell you the truth. Friends who try to stop you from making mistakes, and when you do, beg you to correct them.

I am thankful for “Hopeful” as I have always called her, and pray that our friendship sees many years to come.