I was raised in a house where opinions were not kept inside. I was raised in a house where disagreements did not mean hate. I was raised in a house where intense discussions were not avoided, but learned from.
But as an adult, I have got to really let it sink in that just because I THINK I am right about something, does not mean that it has to be said. And just because I feel strongly about something does not give me permission to react.
On the other hand, I do not think it is healthy to just bottle things up. I do not think it is healthy to be treated poorly in an effort to keep peace, I guess the bottomline is that no matter what.. I have to try to act in every situation like I think Jesus would. I know that means I can get mad sometimes, because he turned tables. But I also know that when something that will not benefit anyone is on my heart, that is where it needs to stay on my heart.
I have also really allowed myself to become super vulnerable as far as people's remarks about our foster parenting. It just really bothers me when people say "I could just never do it..." I know truthfully that I hear that from someone almost daily. And what I hear when people say that is.. "You cold hearted heifer, I am so much more loving than you because you can see children come and go and not be effected.. but me.. it would bother me." If you can't do it, don't. I don't do it for fun, it is a heartbreaking way to live to be honest. To wait daily to see if these children that you have invested your whole heart in are going to have to leave you.. but.. its important, its needed, and what if everyone just didnt do it because they might get their feelings hurt in the end? I choose to open my house to children without there own. In doing that, I will love them dearly, and I will lose them almost always in the end. But it's not about me. And I think if I could apply that to every aspect of life, if we all could, if we could all just see that it isnt about us.. what a happier, more loving place we would live.
I have let angry words exist lately, I will not anymore. If you heard them, I am sorry. But please watch me change. And pray for me to continually change, all I want to do is be in heaven forever with the people I love :)
