My truth.

I am adopted by God. He loved me, and He died for me, and He sought after me, and He saved me. And isn't that where the story stops a lot of the time? But that isn't where it stops. HE ADOPTED ME. He could have forgiven me, and pardoned me, and I would have been worthy of none of that. But HE saw fit to go even beyond that. He welcomed me into His family, He made me His child.

And while I have known that for a long time. I have really reflected on that recently. I am adopted. I was fatherless and without hope, and God took me into His family.

Galatians 4:5-7

To redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons. And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.

Isn't that beautiful? I am an heir. An heir to the Creator.

And while when I think about adoption, I will probably always first think of my son, that isn't at all where adoption started for me. And I am so thankful for that.

Cates is Two!!

My sweet girl turned two today. There is so much I want to remember about this time. So I am going to make a list here :)

* You kiss everybody. And it makes their day.
* You speak so well! You have a huge vocabulary. No one can believe you aren't older than you are.
* You love to read, and you make up the words as you go.
* You stand on our kitchen table and pretend you are leading singing. :)
* You know where everyone is during the day.. Daddy at Work! Andrew at School!
* You love to go to Walmart, but you won't sit up top. You have to ride in the bottom with the groceries.
* You love church! You love your class. You love Ms. Betsy and Ms. Alice.
* You love going to Bop and Yayas and Paw Daddy and Na's.
* You are outspoken and strong willed. A lot of times when you are in a bad mood you say.. "Mama, I not be sweet!!"
* Andrew is your best friend. You do everything with him. Love and fuss. And I am thankful you have each other.
* A lot of people have told me you are the prettiest baby they have ever seen :) (and partial or not.. they said it!)
* Almost daily you ask us if we can go to a ballgame. You love football! You love to say Roll Tide! And sing "Hey, Alabama!"
* You are a good eater! You love broccoli, and bananas.. and poptarts.
* Every night when you lay down you say "Cover me up!" and before we leave the room you always want us to one more time.
* Some of your favorite phrases: "One more time.." "I promise!" "I go to Yayas" "I Cates Croley" "Andrew, Stop it!" "Daddy, hold me!"
"Moooommmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyy" "Gimme a kiss" "Listen to me!" "Not talk to me right now"
* You are a wonderful prayer. You are always very thankful in your prayers. I hope it lasts.
* You are always calling Grandmama and Granddaddy on your play phone. I love how much you think about them.
* I guess what I mostly want you to know is you are so loved. A love I cannot explain to you. A love that I know you feel.

Thank you to each of you who love her. Her life is blessed because so many people treat us with such love and kindness.

Here's to the terrible twos!!! :)

60 years. 6 years. 10 months... and a lifetime.

This week has been full of timelines for me. Amounts of times mean so much. And sometimes huge amounts of time make a huge impact, and sometimes short amounts of time change your life. Follow me...


60 years. On Sunday, we celebrated my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary. And it was a beautiful time. Most of the people who mean the most in the world to my grandparents joined together in one elegantly decorated room to pay respect to a marriage that has lasted more than many of our lifetimes. My mom put in hours of time addressing a hundred invitations, buying my grandmom a dress that she truly loved (maybe not the easiest job!!), decorating, and planning. Her brothers and sisters cooked, and made slideshows, and other things and together they put together a wonderful afternoon for two people who have really changed the worlds of many of us by their devotion to God and to each other. 60 years. Priceless.

6 years. I taught in the same classroom for 6 years. The last room on the right, with a bright yellow wall. I wasn't in the newest part of the building, and my classroom wouldn't have made any headlines. But it was a room full of love and learning. And.. lessons. It's where I first saw my own "light bulb" come on as I figured out how to help a child learn to read. It was a room full of centers, and crafts, and loyalty. I was there to help them be their best, and they were there to help me become mine. This year as all the teachers have returned to school to put all their pinterest research to work and make their rooms precious and inviting.. I cannot help but be thankful for the lessons I learned in room 108 by the children.. but mostly by me.

10 months. J and M lived with us for ten months. Precious sisters who are dearly loved by all of us. Smart girls. Honor roll. Talented. Pageant winners. Loud laughers. Jokesters. Helpers. Friends. And I know if you aren't a foster parent it is hard to understand, but they really felt like ours. A lot of times people will say, which ones are your "real" kids, and everytime I say.."All of them." and I mean it. And with J and M, that came easily. They are children that I feel like soaked up everything we had to give. They loved learning about Jesus, and how to help at home. They loved family dinner nights, and not a night passed we didn't play "Mad, Sad, Glad". Just really happy, well adjusted girls. Pray for them as I know I so often ask you do for all of our children, and pray for us as we adjust to our new routine.

This week I have been so aware of time. And what I've decided is that whether it is 60 years, or 10 months.. time teaches us things. And the things that happen in those time frames make us who we are. My grandparents sixty year marriage has helped to define what I believe marriage to be.. a partnership.. an effort.. a forever commitment. Those six years in my classroom taught me how to be an adult, how to handle things the right way, how to work really hard and how good that feels. And ten months reminded me that it doesn't take a lifetime to make a difference. Short amounts of time can make lifelong impressions.

I am going to be intentional about using my time wisely.

Road Trippin'

Cates and I went on a roadtrip! With Cates' great grandparents :)

We left on Tuesday afternoon and we went almost to Little Rock, Arkansas. It was a good eight our trip, and Cates was a dream! She only cried a couple of times. And she sang "Jesus Loves Me" with grandmamma about 1000 times. She kept on saying "Gandaddy!!!!" I love the time she shared with them, I thank God for the sweet memories that were made. Grandmama told me that she really felt like she got to know Cates on the trip. I loved hearing that. Anyway...

On our way there, we stopped after about four hours and had dinner at a truckstop.. is it really a roadtrip without a truckstop supper??

We rode on until we got to our destination about 10pm. We checked in our hotel, and we had a good nights sleep.

We spent the day with our new cousin, Ty.. and the rest of his family :) He is a precious baby. He didn't cry very much, and he slept very sweetly. He is such a handsome guy! Aunt Marinda cooked us a wonderful dinner, and I really enjoyed the time with our extended family. We even got a big blue bow to put on Ty's mailbox so the neighborhood would know of his arrival! :)

We got up early the next morning and headed home. Granddaddy told me stories about his growing up. His time spent in the army. He told me stories with his eyes full of tears. I have told myself those stories over several times to make sure I remember them. What a good man. How blessed our family is that he is ours.

I see so much of myself in grandmamma. It makes me smile :) She's truly my heart and I love her very much.

We had a great time #roadtrippinwithgreatgrandparents :)

A Different Perspective.

I have been in a training all week that is intended to certify me as a foster parent trainer. It is a roll that I have long desired to fill, and after one more week of training, I will be able to.

We sit there all day talking about what we need to teach foster parents, and while it is all very valuable, I cannot help but think about the things you can only learn from experience. It is all very black and white in the textbook, but we all know that life is far from a textbook.

We talk about gains and losses. We talk about managing behaviors. We talk about knowing our family in order to serve other children. And all of that is very real, but nothing can prepare you for the true sense of loss you, the foster parent, go through. We talk a lot about the losses birth parents go through when their child goes into foster care. And that’s a real thing. And we talk about the losses that the child encounters during their foster care journey, again so real. But what we don’t talk about enough is the loss the foster parents feel when a child that they have loved, and cared for, and probably in some way helped to heal have to leave.

I talked to a precious friend today, whose sweet babies will leave her soon. And through her tears, she kept telling me.. “I know I signed up for this but…” like somehow because her heart was big enough to love children who are not her own everyday, she isn’t entitled to be devastated when they leave her.

People often tell foster parents “I just could never do it.. I would be too sad when the kids left.” And foster parents are usually pretty offended by that. Foster parents make the decision to take children into their home knowing that their heart will break when they leave. We truly know the day we meet the children that eventually we will encounter pain when they leave. But we have decided that impacting their lives in a positive way means more to us than living the rest of our lives missing pieces of our hearts.
I cannot help but continue to hear her hurt. And all I could tell her was this is our ministry. This is our offering to God. We are sacrificing our hearts to show Jesus to HIS children.

If you know a foster parent, when you see a child leave them.. hug them. Encourage them. Love them. Acknowledge their loss. Because it is so real.

From a Foster Mom's Heart

A child walked into my home today. Outside of one simple suitcase, she carried everything she owned in trash bags or old boxes. And that really hit me. And it really hurt me. She moves from home to home, place to place with everything she owns in tow. She doesn’t know how long she will stay, sometimes she probably even wonders if she should bother to unpack. No real place is hers. Everything is temporary. And I know she has to long for permanent. Long for a place. A family. People who can’t ask that she be moved to a new foster home, people who love her regardless and are totally committed to her success. Don’t you think at the end of the day she feels really alone?

Sometimes when DHR calls us about a child, I selfishly wonder how I will fit this child into my life? Do they fit in my schedule? And I write that now with tears in my eyes. Ashamed. Ashamed that I take someones life so lightly. And I put myself and what I want up on such a pedestal. And almost always I can find a place in my “busy life” to agree to take the child, but the fact that it is even a thought is embarrassing.

I wasn’t any easy fit for Jesus. He couldn’t just fit me in His schedule, He had to die for me to be His. And He did that willingly. Willingly. I know that I should do more good works “willingly”. With less thought of myself and more thought of others. I ask God almost everyday.. less of me and more of THEE. Now to just actually live that out.

I know that I cannot take every homeless child. I know that there will be times that a child would not thrive in our home due to other children or circumstances. And I know that I will come across children who don’t want my help or love, and won’t choose to stay in our home. But I also know there are a lot of children who I could share my blessings with. There are a lot of children who need our structure and positive expectations. There are a lot of opportunities for less of self, more of THEE.
Have I asked you lately to consider fostering or adopting? It isn’t easy. It’s hard. Sometimes its really discouraging. You will leave meetings with DHR and children’s families.. hurting. It will cost you money and time. You won’t have the world’s view of a “perfect family”. You may be different colors sometimes, you may have children of all ages. And some days you will wonder what in the world you have gotten yourself into!

But most days you will go to bed totally at peace. You will attend your 5th graders “Open Mic Night” to hear her read an essay in front of dozens of people about how the happiest time in her life has been in your home. You will cheer as you see all the hard work and love you have put into someone who was once a stranger walk across the stage and graduate. You might have the beautiful priviledge of taking home a precious baby from the hospital and ensuring that he or she is totally loved in their first days. You are not only meeting a need, but providing a ministry. A ministry to those we are specifically called to care for. James 1:27
And maybe you can’t foster or adopt. Some people have the heart for it, but their spouse is hesitant. There is always something you can do! If you know me personally, I would love to give you ideas. If you don’t, call your local DHR and ask how you can help. Let’s all take the children who need us into our hearts, and help make their lives as positive as we can.

Be the change.

Fast Forward

I am so far behind in blogging. I really love to blog, and I hate I have missed so much of our summer! Tim had a training in Iowa for the first two weeks of June. Bravely, I decided to go and take our babies. It was two weeks in a hotel room with a one and two year old. I was afraid they were going to tear the room apart.. but they really didn't and considering our circumstances, they did really well. We visited the Amish country which I loved. Who knows.. you may see me and the kids riding through town on a horse and buggy one day! And we also went to Chicago. Tim has always wanted to go to a Cubs game, so I am really thankful that he got to experience that. We went to Navy Pier and rode the ferris wheel.. which I have always wished for. It was a really good two weeks with my loves. But as you can imagine.. we were all beyond happy to come home!

Last week we had bible school, have I blogged about our new church? With a heavy heart about a month ago we changed churches. Tim got an offer to work with a church where one of his dear friends is the preacher. He has a heart for working with youth, and it felt like a good fit. I very much miss our church family in Fort Deposit, but I know for now that we are in the right place with the right people. Please pray about this new ministry! Bible school was a lot of fun and all of our children (five currently!!) really gained a lot from being there. Cates has not warmed up to her new bible class yet, but I know she will. I praying about it regularly.

Father's Day was also really special. We had dad over the Saturday night before and we grilled out (he actually did the grilling!) and spent time together it was wonderful. Grandmama and Granddaddy joined us as they had done for Mother's Day and they always add fun to our group!

This week we have been home settling into our new normal. I feel sure that I will continue to become more comfortable in my new role working at home.


:)

Ten Years.

A facebook group was recently started to begin to organize my ten year high school reunion. And it’s a great thought, but it made me feel old. Old, and like where did ten years go?! I remember so clearly the night I graduated. I remember feeling kind of standoffish from the classmates that I knew and loved so dearly.. because I was scared and sad to be leaving them. I remember hugging Melissa while she cried so hard.. and promising that graduation did change anything.. we would be friends for our lifetime. A promise that I am so thankful we have kept. I remember my daddy crying. And my family going to my grandmoms after for cake and snacks. And I remember leaving the next morning for a summer job that would take me away, and not realizing that I would never again really “live” with mama and daddy outside of school breaks.

It is wild to think that I had no idea how wonderful my life would end up. I didn’t know that God had in store for me a Godly man who would provide for me and love me better than I could have ever imagined. I had no idea that God would see fit to make me sweet Andrew’s mother, or that He had planned for me a baby girl who looks just like her daddy. Ten years ago, I had no idea that I had not even touched the very best things that would ever happen to me. And that makes me really excited about the future. I don’t know now what God has in store for me in the next ten years. I pray that He will continue to bless my life as he has. It has certainly not been without rough spots, but it is a wonderful life.

I don't know if I will be able to attend the reunion, but I would love to see what really good things have happened to the people who were such a big part of my life for so long.

Dealing With a Bad Day.. and making changes.

Do you have any advice? Is there a sure fire way to recover from a bad day? If there is, share it.

I wouldn't say that I have many bad days. Probably not even my fair share. But when I do as I have lately. How do you get over it?

Lately, I have had some less than lovely days. Days of sickness. Days of disappointment. Days of being overwhelmed. And I have found that while I am not an awesome "bounce backer", I am a pretty good "get thruer". I don't get over hurt feelings super fast, I can't pretend we are fine if we are not, and sometimes there are not enough of me to get it all done.. but I get by.

I don't get by gracefully always. And I certainly don't get by alone. But none the less, I get by. Before I go to bed at night, tasks are complete, people are taken care of, and the world goes on. Before I leave work each day, my room is straight and my mind is prepared for the next day. None of that happens without alot of help from alot of people, but it happens.

But still.. is it enough to feel like you just "get thru" a day? I don't think so. Our days are limited and while they cannot all be filled with enjoyment and peace, I think that most of them should. I realized towards the end of this school year a great need for more "good days". And that meant some changes. I am not good at change, never have been. Change is hard, but I am finding as I get older, change is necessary.

After alot of prayer, and seeking advice from others, Tim and I decided that I would not return to my school next year. It was a hard decision for me for alot of reasons. Financially, it is a leap of faith. Emotionally, it is the only school where I have ever worked. I have put in alot of love, time, blood, sweat, and tears there. I have learned a hundred lessons there, a few of them the hard way. How do you walk away from six years of hard work? It isn't easy. But I know that my primary job on this earth is to be a good mom. I know that you can be a good mom and work 40 hours a week (or more!) my mom proved that. But lately, due to alot of details that are better not blogged about, I wasn't able to be the wife and mother I needed to be and carry the burden that I was at work.

So in three weeks.. I am a stay at home mom. Now I will say, if a dream job comes available, I will take it, but unless that happens.. I will be home with my babies. I have had a job since I was 14! so.. that's almost 15 years. And while I know stay at home moms are offended when what they do is not referred to as a "job", it won't be the job that I am used to. I am used to clocking in and out. I am used to having a boss, and deadlines. It's going to be a big change. One that I would certainly appreciate you praying about!

Be the change you want to see in the world....

I have always tried to please everyone. Have I been successful? No. But, I have tried. Approval from others has always been important to me, too important. I agree to things that I dread, and I obligate myself to activities that overextend me. Why? Because I want to make you happy.

Lately, I have really failed at making the world happy. And you know what? It has been a really good thing. I have learned so much.

First I learned, some people will never be happy. There are some people that you will work to make happy day in and day out, and it will never happen. You will do everything you know to encourage or inspire them, and there will be nothing. You will always come up a little short, their situation will always be in their eyes desperate, and you won’t really be able to make a difference for them.

I also learned that there are some people who will be happy with you and for you as long as they are getting their way. I know I often fall into this category sometimes. And I need to work on it. It’s easy to be happy when you are getting what you want. The real test is being happy for others when you wish the situation was different, or finding happiness in others happiness even when you are not being benefitted by the circumstances. These are the people that I am learning to deal with. And learning to accept myself, that sometimes, even when others aren’t happy, you have to do what you believe to be best.

And then there are the people who will always encourage you. People that you seem to please without a lot of effort. People that you know are on your side. People that instead of always working to feel like you are pleasing, you just have general love and acceptance from. I need to work to be this for more people.

It is tiring always feeling like you are working to make others happy. It is hard to feel like you are trying to the lone encourager in a sea of discouragement. I know. I’ve been there. So why don’t we all smile at each other more? Let’s write each other more notes to build one another up. Let’s laugh more, and berate less. Instead of waiting to feel encouraged BY someone, go out and encourage someone. And realize, like I have.. every decision won’t be a popular one. Everything you do won’t be appreciated or valued, but a lot of it will. A lot of your efforts will bear fruit. And a lot of times, in really surprising places.

Hopeful.

Hope is one of the very first friends in life that I remember having. I moved to Fort Dale when I was in first grade, and shortly after she and I became best friends.

We lived down the road from each other, and many summer days we walked to one another’s houses to swim or play. We played city league softball together for years. We spent many nights at the Fort Deposit Spirit Club field watching our daddy’s play softball, or playing ourselves. We ran through Calico Fort like we owned it. It was a beautiful childhood, filled with precious memories.

Hope’s parents were divorced, and she lived with her dad. One Christmas we were concerned about him not having enough gifts so we got all the change we could find and we went to “Bill’s Dollar Store” for her to buy him gifts. I am sure that those dollar gifts were far from the nicest things he received, but I know that even now as an adult, I have not seen gifts given with any more love and pride than the ones Hope gave her dad that Christmas.

Our friendship endured a lot. Divorces and deaths. Moves. We grew up together. And I thank God that he chose Hope for me to share some of those first times life lessons with.

We went on vacations together. The beach most often, but once to Disney World. I remember her mom telling us that a lot of friends would come along, but that we should stick together. And she was right. A lot of friends did come along. And we traveled through different groups of friends, but at the end of the day when we really need something, we have always found our way back to the first real friendship that I remember.

I greatly appreciate her daddy and hold him in high regard. Any dad who will raise his child alone, should be really respected. As a mother, I know that being a single parent would be so hard. As a dad, I am sure at times it felt impossible. But he did a really good job, and as adults I love to see the friendship they share. My daddy preached Hope’s wedding when she married Ty a couple of years ago, and the bonds of our family run deep and are permanent.

Life gives you few friends who stick with you through it all. Few friends who are close enough to you to tell you the truth. Friends who try to stop you from making mistakes, and when you do, beg you to correct them.

I am thankful for “Hopeful” as I have always called her, and pray that our friendship sees many years to come.

30 years.

Tim turned thirty. And we celebrated! I earned a bonus at the beginning of the school year, for work I had done the previous year. It wasn't a huge bonus, but it was enough to help me take Tim to New York City for his birthday! He had never flown commercial.. and so the airport was an experience in itself! We stayed three nights (as long as I thought I could leave the babies!) and they were jammed packed.

The first night we visit Times Square, and the Empire State Building at night. The next day we went on a boat ride around the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, and Brooklyn Bridge. After that we went to Chinatown and Little Italy. We had a wonderful italian lunch and then we went to the hotel to rest for a little while.

The hotel was beautiful. We actually got a complimentary upgrade when we got there.. and for NYC we had a nice size room, with a small sitting area.. and a fridge full of drinks.. that they restocked daily (FOR FREE!!).

Anyway, Thursday night we went to Spiderman on Broadway. It was so much fun! It was actually my first Broadway show. We had dinner at Guy's, the host of Diners, Driveins, and Dives.

Friday, we rode the subway to Yankee Stadium. It was something that Tim has always really wanted to do, so I enjoyed it! After that we went to Centray Park. We bargained with a man who gives tours pulling a carriage to get him to a rate we could afford. It was an hour tour of the park, and my favorite thing we did the whole time. We stood on the center of Manhattan and saw the John Lennon Memorial.. not to mention the You've Got Mail bridge!! It was so special to me. We also visited Wall Street, Fifth Avenue, and Saint Patricks Cathedral. We got there at Black Friday Mass, so we stayed awhile to see what that was all about. We had dinner at this great place, Niles. We ended the night at a local diner eating cheesecake and watching basketball.

On Saturday, we went to the 911 Memorial. I didnt spend alot of time thinking about things there. What happened in that spot was terrible, and it changed the world I lived in. I have to not dwell on sad things for my mental healths sake, and so Tim went and really looked and read everything. I found this little tree that had lived through those terrible events and spent my time there. We had our final lunch at Serendipity. They have a famous frozen hot chocolate that was amazing.

It was one of the best trips of my life. Little things that could have gone wrong.. like Tim leaving his cell phone in a cab..didn't. The cab drive came to the cathedral to find it and replace it. The flights were smooth. The weather was amazing.

It was just this wonderful reminder that Tim is more than just a husband and dad. He is my very best friend. I am thankful to God for making him mine!!

Happy 30th Tim! I love you!

Deep Breath.

Last week was a really hard week. The kind of week, that when it is over, you are amazed you made it through. The kind of week where your will and your beliefs are challenged. A week, that if you lived through it, you really are stronger.

I cannot go into alot of detail, but what I can tell you is that I deeply and passionately believe that all people are equal. God made every color of person. How can we not love someone that God himself made?! God made every single size person. How can we not love something that GOD made?! God made everyone of us in HIS very OWN image. Believe that. I do.

Let me move on...

Our children continue to grow. And so does my heart! How can a heart hold this much love? Andrew moved up to a big kid class at school, and since I have seen him mature so much. He sits nicely in restaurants, says "tank ewwww" (thank you!) everytime that he should, so many good things.. and I am a thankful mama.

Cates has a temper! But you know I believe being a little hard headed will pay off in life. She should be just fine :) She is walking and talking and kissing me when I request. It is a sweet time in our home and I try to remember amid the exhaustion that this time is precious and rare. And I praise God for the two sweet babies He has blessed me with.

With so much sickness, I cannot help but be so thankful for healthy children. I truly do not take it forgranted for one minute. Please join me in prayer for the babies who are struggling with health. I know that God will bless their families, let's make every appeal on their behalf that we can.

So much on my heart, but I will stop here.


I am always eager to be remembered in your prayers.

Lindsey :)

For Andrew!

… for Andrew 

1. Let the fact that you were chosen by me and your daddy sink in everyday.
2. Never doubt the love that we have for you. It is no different than if you had grown inside of me.
3. Take care of Cates. I love that she has a big brother, and more than that.. I love that it is you!
4. The teacher in me says.. if you get hit, tell an adult. The mama in me says knock ‘em out. I guess you will have to decide 
5. You have a wonderful opportunity to be an advocate for adopted children, and bi-racial families. Take advantage. Be someone who is reputable.
6. Believe in what you pray. I prayed so many prayers for you, and I believed that God would answer me. And He did. Better than I could have ever imagined. You believe too.
7. Open doors. Pay the bill. Be a gentleman. I know you will see your daddy model this. Follow his example!
8. When someone says something mean to you, overcome the desire to spout mean back. Answer gently. Answer with kindness. (Aunt Tina is a good model to follow!)
9. Make people laugh. You already do, and it is such a great quality. Laughter is medicine.
10. Work hard. Don’t let lazy ever have a chance. Get up, do something, be active.
11. Give second chances. People are going to make mistakes, forgive them.
12. Get to know people. Don’t decide how you feel about them by how they look or what they have.
13. Hug and kiss your mama every day 
14. Be proud of our family.
15. Don’t be embarrassed when your dad (or bop!) cheer too loud at your ballgames. Your daddy has waited a lot of his life to cheer on his little boy!
16. Put down your cell phone, ipad, and whatever else they will come up with in the next 15 years and just be quiet sometimes. Look around at all that God made for you to enjoy. Beautiful earth. Pretty sunsets. Sweet birds singing. Don’t miss out on those things.
17. When someone doubts your ability to do something, don’t argue with them. Prove them wrong.
18. Make really good friends. The kind that show up when you get your truck stuck, or your heart broken. And when you find those friends.. hold on tight.
19. Don’t be scared to fall in love. And if you do ever get your heart hurt, don’t be scared to try again. Most really good things in life come after you’ve gone through some tough stuff to find them.
20. When you do make mistakes. Learn their lessons. Its when you don’t learn to do better next time that you have really messed up.
21. Learn to do your own laundry, make your own bed, and cook your own food. This will earn you major points with your wife to be!
22. Always make decisions based on what God would have you to do. You will always hear.. “follow your heart”.. don’t. Follow God. Your heart is fickle and easily confused. God is constant and without change.
23. Smile at people every chance you get.
24. Learn all you can in school, you are going to have to take care of your mama one day 
25. Imagine. Dream. Then make your dreams come true!
26. Never get too old to dance when a tune you like comes on the radio or television.. your spontaneous dance moves are one of my favorite things about you.
27. When people compliment you, let it soak in. A kind word can take you a long way on a hard day.
28. Win or lose.. be graceful. I have seen amazing victories tarnished by gloating.. and terrible defeats taken with heads held high.
29. Be kinder than necessary.
30. Notice people who everyone else seems to overlook. You could brighten their day, or their life.
31. Trust God.
32. You will have a lot of questions about your life. You will wonder why God put you on the path that He did. Its okay to wonder. But never doubt. Before you were made there was a plan especially for YOU! I am so glad God made me a part of it.

James 1:27

The day Jacob and Grace left us is forever in my heart. And even now as I recount it, it brings tears to my eyes.

Tim went to court that morning and found out they would be leaving. Daddy came to Hayneville to get me from a training, and mama went to Mcds to bring us lunch home for one last meal together. When I got there I remember frantically teaching Jacob to call 911 if he ever needed it, and feeling like I had fallen short in so much I needed to have done for them in our seven months together.

I remember everyone who loved them from our family coming to say goodbye. I remember Lauren bringing two gallons of milk to send home with them because Grace loved milk so much. I remember my sweet granddaddy saying he felt like he was at a funeral, and Aunt Tina taking another little boy who lived with us home with her so that we could have the night to grieve. And that is what we did. We layed in our bed and I cried. I knew that my life had ended. It was my first experience loving a child the way a mother does, and them leaving hurt me.. Deeply. I remember telling Tim that I would never be okay again.

And I was wrong. I was okay again. The sun rose the next morning, and whether I felt like it should or not.. the world went on. Healing from them leaving was a slow process. I worried about them, I missed them. I physically hurt from missing them.

On days like that, it was hard to just trust God. I felt like there had to be something I could do to control their future. But I know that HE knew what was best for them far better than me.

I wonder sometimes if they remember us. Especially Jacob. I wonder if he remembers our vacation to North Carolina or Tim and Daddy coaching his basketball team. I wonder if he remembers our prayers, or swimming all summer. I wonder if he remembers me singing.. and how really loved he was.

And if he doesn’t, I am glad that I do. I am glad that God showed me for the first time through Jacob and Grace about real sacrifice for HIM. Sacrifice that goes beyond your checkbook and your free time. Sacrifice that is full of heart, and effort, and trust, and total commitment.

I am thankful that Jacob and Grace will grow up with their parents. And I pray that one day I get to see their sweet faces again and they have wonderful stories to tell of honor roll and playing sports. And how loved they are by their family, I would be so glad to know that they were really aware of that.

They left three years ago this week. And so they are on my mind. Amazing to think in three years how much has happened, and how it feels like yesterday that I kissed them goodbye.

If you don’t pray for foster children, and the foster families that they have to leave at times please do. The bonds that exist.. that are often immediately broken.. are real bonds. And losing someone you really love, is beyond difficult. I am so thankful for the families who decide that God’s command to take care of the orphans exceeds their own fear being hurt when the children have to leave. And I pray for their peace on the hard days.

James 1:27

Things for Cates to know..

I don’t read a lot of blogs. I hate to be the one who sounds like she is too busy and wonderful to sit around reading blogs, but the truth is.. I don’t have much time for it. I am the one who passes out right after the kids just to try to make it through the next day. Teaching 6 year olds all day and raising a one and two year old will do that you.

Anyway, all of that to say I have read lately a blog about what this lady wants her daughter to grow up knowing. So much of it I agreed with, but there were parts that I truly did not. So I thought I would start compiling a list of things I want my children to know as they grow up.

I will start with Cates’ list.

1. You are deeply and permanently loved by me.
2. You are going to make 100 mistakes. Just make sure you learn all 100 lessons they provided.
3. Love your brother. Make him your first and most important friend. He will be with you through life. He will show up on days no one else does.
4. Your daddy loved you from the day he knew you existed. Let him be your example of the right kind of man.
5. You are from a long line of strong willed, at times hard headed women. Stand up for yourself when you need to, but try to be more gentle than your mom.
6. Love yourself. Don’t spend your life wishing you had different hair, or a different figure. Embrace the beauty that God gave to you.
7. Surround yourself with people who see your beauty.
8. Realize that the beauty that really counts is in your heart.
9. Do something everyday for someone. And genuinely do no expect a thing back.
10. Don’t say everything that pops in your head.
11. Decide to be happy. I truly believe it is a daily decision.
12. Love everybody the same. Love every color. Love every status. Love everyone.
13. Really let it sink in GOD made everyone. So we should LOVE everyone.
14. Let love lead your life.
15. Be committed. Let your yes mean yes. Show up. Be there. Be counted on.
16. Learn to talk to people. To look them in the eye. Not just send them a text.
17. Be proud of your family. Take pride in the people who love you.
18. Make good friends. People that you can trust. People who will build you up.
19. Put God first in everything, everyday. There is truly no greater peace.
20. Don’t sleep your day away.
21. It’s okay to be really sad. Really deep down sad. Feel that way, and then let it go. Don’t spend your life with your feelings on your shoulders.
22. When there is something you feel like you cannot tell me, tell yaya or bop. They don’t judge, and they give really good advice.
23. Look for the good in people. Its harder to find in some than others, but it is always there.
24. Be a good tipper. And if you don’t have enough money to leave a good tip, go to McDonalds.
25. Forgive people the first time they ask, we are forgiven by God daily.
26. Ride with the windows down and the radio up every now and then no matter how old you are.
27. Always do your very best. Almost everyday you’re going to have a chance to cut a corner. Decide not to.
28. Win awards. Hit homeruns. Excel in whatever you can. Life is short and sometimes an old trophy can brighten up a tough day.
29. Be honest. Even when it means you’re going to be in trouble.
30. Laugh until you cry.
31. Listen in school. Learn all you can.
32. Be a really good friend.
33. Pray. And when you pray, don’t just ask for things. Praise God. Thank God. Talk to HIM.
34. Appreciate the differences in our family. Be proud of the love we share.
35. Know that our family was formed by deep unending love.
36. Smile.
37. Listen to people. Really listen.
38. When you find a man who loves you know he shows that by respecting you.
39. Be a good example.
40. Thank your daddy for working so hard for our family.
41. Always let the bible be your standard. People are going to change, it is not.
42. Know that you are named after two beautiful, strong women. And be proud of that.
43. Smile as I tell you the story of your birth repeatedly. Trust me, I earned that right.
44. Read.