Wednesday, January 16, 2013
James 1:27
The day Jacob and Grace left us is forever in my heart. And even now as I recount it, it brings tears to my eyes.
Tim went to court that morning and found out they would be leaving. Daddy came to Hayneville to get me from a training, and mama went to Mcds to bring us lunch home for one last meal together. When I got there I remember frantically teaching Jacob to call 911 if he ever needed it, and feeling like I had fallen short in so much I needed to have done for them in our seven months together.
I remember everyone who loved them from our family coming to say goodbye. I remember Lauren bringing two gallons of milk to send home with them because Grace loved milk so much. I remember my sweet granddaddy saying he felt like he was at a funeral, and Aunt Tina taking another little boy who lived with us home with her so that we could have the night to grieve. And that is what we did. We layed in our bed and I cried. I knew that my life had ended. It was my first experience loving a child the way a mother does, and them leaving hurt me.. Deeply. I remember telling Tim that I would never be okay again.
And I was wrong. I was okay again. The sun rose the next morning, and whether I felt like it should or not.. the world went on. Healing from them leaving was a slow process. I worried about them, I missed them. I physically hurt from missing them.
On days like that, it was hard to just trust God. I felt like there had to be something I could do to control their future. But I know that HE knew what was best for them far better than me.
I wonder sometimes if they remember us. Especially Jacob. I wonder if he remembers our vacation to North Carolina or Tim and Daddy coaching his basketball team. I wonder if he remembers our prayers, or swimming all summer. I wonder if he remembers me singing.. and how really loved he was.
And if he doesn’t, I am glad that I do. I am glad that God showed me for the first time through Jacob and Grace about real sacrifice for HIM. Sacrifice that goes beyond your checkbook and your free time. Sacrifice that is full of heart, and effort, and trust, and total commitment.
I am thankful that Jacob and Grace will grow up with their parents. And I pray that one day I get to see their sweet faces again and they have wonderful stories to tell of honor roll and playing sports. And how loved they are by their family, I would be so glad to know that they were really aware of that.
They left three years ago this week. And so they are on my mind. Amazing to think in three years how much has happened, and how it feels like yesterday that I kissed them goodbye.
If you don’t pray for foster children, and the foster families that they have to leave at times please do. The bonds that exist.. that are often immediately broken.. are real bonds. And losing someone you really love, is beyond difficult. I am so thankful for the families who decide that God’s command to take care of the orphans exceeds their own fear being hurt when the children have to leave. And I pray for their peace on the hard days.
James 1:27
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Things for Cates to know..
I don’t read a lot of blogs. I hate to be the one who sounds like she is too busy and wonderful to sit around reading blogs, but the truth is.. I don’t have much time for it. I am the one who passes out right after the kids just to try to make it through the next day. Teaching 6 year olds all day and raising a one and two year old will do that you.
Anyway, all of that to say I have read lately a blog about what this lady wants her daughter to grow up knowing. So much of it I agreed with, but there were parts that I truly did not. So I thought I would start compiling a list of things I want my children to know as they grow up.
I will start with Cates’ list.
1. You are deeply and permanently loved by me.
2. You are going to make 100 mistakes. Just make sure you learn all 100 lessons they provided.
3. Love your brother. Make him your first and most important friend. He will be with you through life. He will show up on days no one else does.
4. Your daddy loved you from the day he knew you existed. Let him be your example of the right kind of man.
5. You are from a long line of strong willed, at times hard headed women. Stand up for yourself when you need to, but try to be more gentle than your mom.
6. Love yourself. Don’t spend your life wishing you had different hair, or a different figure. Embrace the beauty that God gave to you.
7. Surround yourself with people who see your beauty.
8. Realize that the beauty that really counts is in your heart.
9. Do something everyday for someone. And genuinely do no expect a thing back.
10. Don’t say everything that pops in your head.
11. Decide to be happy. I truly believe it is a daily decision.
12. Love everybody the same. Love every color. Love every status. Love everyone.
13. Really let it sink in GOD made everyone. So we should LOVE everyone.
14. Let love lead your life.
15. Be committed. Let your yes mean yes. Show up. Be there. Be counted on.
16. Learn to talk to people. To look them in the eye. Not just send them a text.
17. Be proud of your family. Take pride in the people who love you.
18. Make good friends. People that you can trust. People who will build you up.
19. Put God first in everything, everyday. There is truly no greater peace.
20. Don’t sleep your day away.
21. It’s okay to be really sad. Really deep down sad. Feel that way, and then let it go. Don’t spend your life with your feelings on your shoulders.
22. When there is something you feel like you cannot tell me, tell yaya or bop. They don’t judge, and they give really good advice.
23. Look for the good in people. Its harder to find in some than others, but it is always there.
24. Be a good tipper. And if you don’t have enough money to leave a good tip, go to McDonalds.
25. Forgive people the first time they ask, we are forgiven by God daily.
26. Ride with the windows down and the radio up every now and then no matter how old you are.
27. Always do your very best. Almost everyday you’re going to have a chance to cut a corner. Decide not to.
28. Win awards. Hit homeruns. Excel in whatever you can. Life is short and sometimes an old trophy can brighten up a tough day.
29. Be honest. Even when it means you’re going to be in trouble.
30. Laugh until you cry.
31. Listen in school. Learn all you can.
32. Be a really good friend.
33. Pray. And when you pray, don’t just ask for things. Praise God. Thank God. Talk to HIM.
34. Appreciate the differences in our family. Be proud of the love we share.
35. Know that our family was formed by deep unending love.
36. Smile.
37. Listen to people. Really listen.
38. When you find a man who loves you know he shows that by respecting you.
39. Be a good example.
40. Thank your daddy for working so hard for our family.
41. Always let the bible be your standard. People are going to change, it is not.
42. Know that you are named after two beautiful, strong women. And be proud of that.
43. Smile as I tell you the story of your birth repeatedly. Trust me, I earned that right.
44. Read.
Anyway, all of that to say I have read lately a blog about what this lady wants her daughter to grow up knowing. So much of it I agreed with, but there were parts that I truly did not. So I thought I would start compiling a list of things I want my children to know as they grow up.
I will start with Cates’ list.
1. You are deeply and permanently loved by me.
2. You are going to make 100 mistakes. Just make sure you learn all 100 lessons they provided.
3. Love your brother. Make him your first and most important friend. He will be with you through life. He will show up on days no one else does.
4. Your daddy loved you from the day he knew you existed. Let him be your example of the right kind of man.
5. You are from a long line of strong willed, at times hard headed women. Stand up for yourself when you need to, but try to be more gentle than your mom.
6. Love yourself. Don’t spend your life wishing you had different hair, or a different figure. Embrace the beauty that God gave to you.
7. Surround yourself with people who see your beauty.
8. Realize that the beauty that really counts is in your heart.
9. Do something everyday for someone. And genuinely do no expect a thing back.
10. Don’t say everything that pops in your head.
11. Decide to be happy. I truly believe it is a daily decision.
12. Love everybody the same. Love every color. Love every status. Love everyone.
13. Really let it sink in GOD made everyone. So we should LOVE everyone.
14. Let love lead your life.
15. Be committed. Let your yes mean yes. Show up. Be there. Be counted on.
16. Learn to talk to people. To look them in the eye. Not just send them a text.
17. Be proud of your family. Take pride in the people who love you.
18. Make good friends. People that you can trust. People who will build you up.
19. Put God first in everything, everyday. There is truly no greater peace.
20. Don’t sleep your day away.
21. It’s okay to be really sad. Really deep down sad. Feel that way, and then let it go. Don’t spend your life with your feelings on your shoulders.
22. When there is something you feel like you cannot tell me, tell yaya or bop. They don’t judge, and they give really good advice.
23. Look for the good in people. Its harder to find in some than others, but it is always there.
24. Be a good tipper. And if you don’t have enough money to leave a good tip, go to McDonalds.
25. Forgive people the first time they ask, we are forgiven by God daily.
26. Ride with the windows down and the radio up every now and then no matter how old you are.
27. Always do your very best. Almost everyday you’re going to have a chance to cut a corner. Decide not to.
28. Win awards. Hit homeruns. Excel in whatever you can. Life is short and sometimes an old trophy can brighten up a tough day.
29. Be honest. Even when it means you’re going to be in trouble.
30. Laugh until you cry.
31. Listen in school. Learn all you can.
32. Be a really good friend.
33. Pray. And when you pray, don’t just ask for things. Praise God. Thank God. Talk to HIM.
34. Appreciate the differences in our family. Be proud of the love we share.
35. Know that our family was formed by deep unending love.
36. Smile.
37. Listen to people. Really listen.
38. When you find a man who loves you know he shows that by respecting you.
39. Be a good example.
40. Thank your daddy for working so hard for our family.
41. Always let the bible be your standard. People are going to change, it is not.
42. Know that you are named after two beautiful, strong women. And be proud of that.
43. Smile as I tell you the story of your birth repeatedly. Trust me, I earned that right.
44. Read.
