I can be overly sensitive. I know that. Ever since I was a little girl. I cry too easily. I get my feelings hurt too quickly. And once something happens, I do not get over it in a timely matter. It's me. And it is something I work on. Regularly.
I have to constantly ask myself in day to day things if I am being overly sensitive. And sometimes, the answer is yes. But there are also alot of times that I think I have permission to take things to heart.
When I take Andrew to the Doctor, they want me to prove that he is mine. They have run my insurance. They have let me know the amount I owe them, which is a good indicator that they know he has been approved as my dependent by my insurance provider. They know he is mine. But they still want to see it on paper. And as an adoptive mom, it offends me. The lady asked me for "custody" papers last week. Custody? I told her that I do not have custody, I have ownership. I told her that she would never ask me to prove on paper that Cates was mine. I try to always speak respectfully, but I am always happy to help enlighten people about fairness.
Another thing that I have to try not to be overly sensitive about is Andrew being a different race than we are. Sometimes people say the most insensitive things. I have to correct them, in love, but correct them. I don't want to be the mom walking around waiting for someone to cross me about my child, but I also want to make sure that I am always working to have people treat my family with respect. Growing up in the south I know that there will always be ignorance, but I hope that people will learn to see each other for who they are on the inside. That's what God sees. Our hearts. He doesn't care if we are tall or short, skinny or fat, red or polka dots. He cares if we love other people. He cares if we are honest. He cares about how much we care.
I want to be sensitive enough that I keep my tender heart. I want to continue to be affected by those in need. I want to continue to desire to help create positive change. But I do not want to be looking to be offended. I do not want to hold on to things that I should let go.
I am trying to find a balance of sensitivity. Bear with me while I learn.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Mommy Wars.
I don't have alot of strong feelings on the subject I am writing about today. There are battles going on that I am aware of, and sometimes contribute to my feelings of inadequacy, but I can honestly tell you I don't believe one is right over the other.
Formula vs. Breastfeeding
I read all the time on facebook, in blogs, parenting magazines about this conflict. Moms who breastfeed are somehow regarded as loving their children more, and having a greater desire for their childs well being. And breastfeeding does take sacrifice. I had a close friend who did it briefly, and I admired the effort. She told me it was like her body was not her own, and I totally got that. It is a wonderful thing for those who decide to do. It is selfless and to be respected. I am going to step out here though.. and let formula moms know.. you're good people too. Maybe it physically didn't work out for you, maybe you made a decision with your husband that it wasn't best for your family, maybe your baby was born with a mouth full of sharp teeth! Whatever the reason, you aren't less of a mom for choosing a bottle. To be honest, it is no one's business what you decided to feed your baby for the first few months, but if you feel the need to share it, make sure it is not in an effort to belittle someone who did it differently.
Work vs. Stay at Home
I feel like I have a good combination! I need to work in order to help take care of my family's physical needs, but I also get several good breaks in the year, and a wonderful summer at home. I am blessed. I have experienced my mom's tears when I was growing up because someone said something mean to her about working. Somehow they were a better mother than she was because they stayed home. I am pretty confident there are very few moms out there who were even my moms equal, much less superior. I have a working mom. A professional mom. I never felt slighted. I felt proud. Working moms regard their job raising children just as seriously as those who stay home. It is a different life. It is a balancing act. But it is just as wonderful. I have also seen stay at home moms looked down on.. "oh.. so you just sit at home all day." Ouch. No I chase small children all day. I clean up their 100 messes. I cut coupons and work on family budgets. I wake up early and stay up late. Stay at home moms are hard workers. Their work is respectable. And sometimes one wants to look down on the other in order to feel better about the life they are leading. And we don't have to do that. Work. Stay home. Do what works for you.. but don't feel like you're doing it the right way.. and everyone else is wrong.
Homeschool vs. Public School vs. Private School
I really want my children to be educated. I want them to have a good understanding of math, history, and I would like them to know how to speak and write crrectly. Where all of that happens is something I will decide later. All I know is.. where you send your children to school is your business. I am confident that you are doing what is very best for your children, and that works for me. And is best for your children I might not find is ehats best for mine, that's what makes the world go round.
We are all going to do things differently. Look at a mom who is doing something totally opposite than you and be proud of her. Don't let it make you feel inferior. Realize that different things work for different families. We spend alot of time walking around acting like we have it altogether, and on the inside feel like we aren't cutting it. Stop being so hard on yourself. I bet you go to bed most every night feeling like your children really love you. You are doing a great job. Let's stop being hard on each other, and start supporting one another. Let's end the Mommy Wars :)
Formula vs. Breastfeeding
I read all the time on facebook, in blogs, parenting magazines about this conflict. Moms who breastfeed are somehow regarded as loving their children more, and having a greater desire for their childs well being. And breastfeeding does take sacrifice. I had a close friend who did it briefly, and I admired the effort. She told me it was like her body was not her own, and I totally got that. It is a wonderful thing for those who decide to do. It is selfless and to be respected. I am going to step out here though.. and let formula moms know.. you're good people too. Maybe it physically didn't work out for you, maybe you made a decision with your husband that it wasn't best for your family, maybe your baby was born with a mouth full of sharp teeth! Whatever the reason, you aren't less of a mom for choosing a bottle. To be honest, it is no one's business what you decided to feed your baby for the first few months, but if you feel the need to share it, make sure it is not in an effort to belittle someone who did it differently.
Work vs. Stay at Home
I feel like I have a good combination! I need to work in order to help take care of my family's physical needs, but I also get several good breaks in the year, and a wonderful summer at home. I am blessed. I have experienced my mom's tears when I was growing up because someone said something mean to her about working. Somehow they were a better mother than she was because they stayed home. I am pretty confident there are very few moms out there who were even my moms equal, much less superior. I have a working mom. A professional mom. I never felt slighted. I felt proud. Working moms regard their job raising children just as seriously as those who stay home. It is a different life. It is a balancing act. But it is just as wonderful. I have also seen stay at home moms looked down on.. "oh.. so you just sit at home all day." Ouch. No I chase small children all day. I clean up their 100 messes. I cut coupons and work on family budgets. I wake up early and stay up late. Stay at home moms are hard workers. Their work is respectable. And sometimes one wants to look down on the other in order to feel better about the life they are leading. And we don't have to do that. Work. Stay home. Do what works for you.. but don't feel like you're doing it the right way.. and everyone else is wrong.
Homeschool vs. Public School vs. Private School
I really want my children to be educated. I want them to have a good understanding of math, history, and I would like them to know how to speak and write crrectly. Where all of that happens is something I will decide later. All I know is.. where you send your children to school is your business. I am confident that you are doing what is very best for your children, and that works for me. And is best for your children I might not find is ehats best for mine, that's what makes the world go round.
We are all going to do things differently. Look at a mom who is doing something totally opposite than you and be proud of her. Don't let it make you feel inferior. Realize that different things work for different families. We spend alot of time walking around acting like we have it altogether, and on the inside feel like we aren't cutting it. Stop being so hard on yourself. I bet you go to bed most every night feeling like your children really love you. You are doing a great job. Let's stop being hard on each other, and start supporting one another. Let's end the Mommy Wars :)
