In the words of Miley.. "It's the climb.."

"There is always going to be another mountain. I am always going to want to make it move. It's always going to be an uphill battle, and sometimes I am going to have to lose.... it's not about how fast I get there.. it's not about what's waiting on the other side.. it's the climb."

Who would of thought I could relate to Miley? But I do. I think it is almost human nature to wish our lives away. We want to drive, then we want to go to college, then we want to get married, then we want to have babies, then we want them to go to college, then we want to retire, and so on.. and sometimes I catch myself doing just that.. wishing my life away. I am working hard to be thankful for the moment. And I am making progress.. I am trying to live right here in the moment.. and not worry about what will happen tomorrow.. or wish away today. Right now.. today.. this minute.. I am blessed beyond imagination.. and I am so thankful.

VBS was wonderful.. and the boy ask me 100 times yesterday and today why we cannot go to church.. I tried to explain.. but he misses his class and sweet teachers. I am so thankful he has such a desire to be at church. It makes me think maybe we are doing some things right, with God's help.

He had to go to the doctor yesterday after spending the day with his "friends". He wants everyone to know that Anna and William are his friends. He loves them very much. And everytime I look at them I cannot help but remember the first time they came into our lives.. my instant love for Anna and William.. and how they are proof that God is in control. And that He blesses us. They are God's work walking around in my life. It makes me tear up to think about what a blessing they have been to me, and my family

... Anyway, after the boy played with them yesterday.. we had to go to the doctor. We waited for two hours.. and when we finally got back there the Doctor kept referring to me as "mommy". That is a fragile word so I told him I was "Miss Lindsey" and I was his foster mom. He just kind of looked at me. Then he wanted to know every detail of the boy's life. I told him what I could.. and it's like it just couldnt sink in.. this normal.. beautiful boy.. was a foster child. I think somehow when we think of foster children we think of someone withdrawn, and unwanted. It amazes me how everyone is interested in their story. And I am glad they are interested, I hope it will encourage more people to make a difference in whatever way they are able. My parents, my brother, my grandparents, Aunt Tina and Uncle Stan, Lauren, Tim's family, my church family.. they are all making such a difference just in their relationships with the babies. I am now a true believer in.. "it takes a villiage". Because without their help we wouldn't get by :)

Tomorrow the plan is to spend our whole day out at the pool.. I love Saturdays with Tim home :)

Reality Check.

Sometimes.. it is good to have a reality check.

The reality is I am not in control. God is.
The reality is I cannot do anything alone. I need God's support.
The reality is I do not know the way. I need God to guide me.


Yesterday was kind of a reality check kind of day, all day long. The hardest thing I have found as far as being a foster parent is... loving these babies the way they need and deserve to be loved.. and somehow trying to protect my heart for when they go. Some days I get lost in the idea of this being "my" little family. When in reality, my greatest hope is for my babies to get to go home. Not because I don't love them, and not because I don't wish they could stay forever.. but because I know home is the best place for them. The boy is old enough especially to be aware of the situation.. and I know at the end of the day no matter how hard we love him.. no matter how good we are to him.. it is human nature to want to be with the people you spent the first years of your life with.. your parents. And I guess yesterday, everything just kind of hit me hard. This is all a learning experience. Just prayers :)

Today, the babies and I went to Doug Locklear's (or as I call him.. Lauren's husband :) ) deployment ceremony. He is going to Iraq, and I just have this great sense of thankfulness for Doug and for the sacrifice he is making going to Iraq.. but too, for Lauren. I can't imagine how much she will miss him the next few months. I just pray for their strength and their safety. And God's greatest blessings for them. I used to think the saying was a little cheesy.. but it hit home with me today.. Freedom truly is not free.

Tim will be home soon. I should go!

So much has happened :)

I wish that I could post much more often.. but time just gets away from me these days! We had a fun fourth of July.. mom and dad came over.. and Tim's dad and stepmom did as well. We had a good time. We swam and cooked out... good memories :)

The next day we left for vacation! We had a wonderful time. We went sliding down rocks, and riding up mountains. The boy really loved going to the local team's baseball game. Mr. Tim got him a balloon and that just made his day :) It was a good trip. On the way home, we stopped to see Tim's sister and everyone had a great visit. But.. when we got home.. it was a sight for sore eyes!!

This week, I am trying to focus on my classroom. I am behind in preparing some this year, but I am learning so much more how to go with the flow.. and it is working for me.

I have one day of training, and two the next. I am looking forward to them.

A big thanks to Aunt Tina for keeping the babies today. They had such a wonderful time.. and I got so much done! God has really blessed me with such a wonderful family. I am thankful every single day.

You are my best friend.. You are where my heart is.. And at the end of the day.. I get to come home to you.

I was so aggrevated with Tim yesterday. At first, I felt as though I should not share that fact. But it is natural, people get aggrevated.. no need to be ashamed. I just felt so weighed down with doctor's appointments, and sickish babies. I felt sorry for myself that I had not had any real interaction with the outside world most all week.. bottom line.. I was having a pity party. And so when Tim got home.. and got to play with the babies instead of punish.. and got to get a shower and hit the door again for church activities.. I was aggrevated.

And then.. I got to thinking about his day. He gets up at 5 or before everyday. Alot of times, while I am still warm in my bed.. he is washing dishes or clothes. He gets home to take care of the pool, the yard, the house, the babies. And he rarely hits the bed before 11.

I guess realizing all of that kind of put things in prospective for me. I am so blessed.. and so thankful that I am married to a man that loves me, and us, and wants all the very best things for us. I am thankful for his hardwork, I thankful for his desire to do the very best, I am thankful that God gave him to me.

So my pity party is completed :)

I am back to reality and very thankful!