A Different Perspective.

I have been in a training all week that is intended to certify me as a foster parent trainer. It is a roll that I have long desired to fill, and after one more week of training, I will be able to.

We sit there all day talking about what we need to teach foster parents, and while it is all very valuable, I cannot help but think about the things you can only learn from experience. It is all very black and white in the textbook, but we all know that life is far from a textbook.

We talk about gains and losses. We talk about managing behaviors. We talk about knowing our family in order to serve other children. And all of that is very real, but nothing can prepare you for the true sense of loss you, the foster parent, go through. We talk a lot about the losses birth parents go through when their child goes into foster care. And that’s a real thing. And we talk about the losses that the child encounters during their foster care journey, again so real. But what we don’t talk about enough is the loss the foster parents feel when a child that they have loved, and cared for, and probably in some way helped to heal have to leave.

I talked to a precious friend today, whose sweet babies will leave her soon. And through her tears, she kept telling me.. “I know I signed up for this but…” like somehow because her heart was big enough to love children who are not her own everyday, she isn’t entitled to be devastated when they leave her.

People often tell foster parents “I just could never do it.. I would be too sad when the kids left.” And foster parents are usually pretty offended by that. Foster parents make the decision to take children into their home knowing that their heart will break when they leave. We truly know the day we meet the children that eventually we will encounter pain when they leave. But we have decided that impacting their lives in a positive way means more to us than living the rest of our lives missing pieces of our hearts.
I cannot help but continue to hear her hurt. And all I could tell her was this is our ministry. This is our offering to God. We are sacrificing our hearts to show Jesus to HIS children.

If you know a foster parent, when you see a child leave them.. hug them. Encourage them. Love them. Acknowledge their loss. Because it is so real.

From a Foster Mom's Heart

A child walked into my home today. Outside of one simple suitcase, she carried everything she owned in trash bags or old boxes. And that really hit me. And it really hurt me. She moves from home to home, place to place with everything she owns in tow. She doesn’t know how long she will stay, sometimes she probably even wonders if she should bother to unpack. No real place is hers. Everything is temporary. And I know she has to long for permanent. Long for a place. A family. People who can’t ask that she be moved to a new foster home, people who love her regardless and are totally committed to her success. Don’t you think at the end of the day she feels really alone?

Sometimes when DHR calls us about a child, I selfishly wonder how I will fit this child into my life? Do they fit in my schedule? And I write that now with tears in my eyes. Ashamed. Ashamed that I take someones life so lightly. And I put myself and what I want up on such a pedestal. And almost always I can find a place in my “busy life” to agree to take the child, but the fact that it is even a thought is embarrassing.

I wasn’t any easy fit for Jesus. He couldn’t just fit me in His schedule, He had to die for me to be His. And He did that willingly. Willingly. I know that I should do more good works “willingly”. With less thought of myself and more thought of others. I ask God almost everyday.. less of me and more of THEE. Now to just actually live that out.

I know that I cannot take every homeless child. I know that there will be times that a child would not thrive in our home due to other children or circumstances. And I know that I will come across children who don’t want my help or love, and won’t choose to stay in our home. But I also know there are a lot of children who I could share my blessings with. There are a lot of children who need our structure and positive expectations. There are a lot of opportunities for less of self, more of THEE.
Have I asked you lately to consider fostering or adopting? It isn’t easy. It’s hard. Sometimes its really discouraging. You will leave meetings with DHR and children’s families.. hurting. It will cost you money and time. You won’t have the world’s view of a “perfect family”. You may be different colors sometimes, you may have children of all ages. And some days you will wonder what in the world you have gotten yourself into!

But most days you will go to bed totally at peace. You will attend your 5th graders “Open Mic Night” to hear her read an essay in front of dozens of people about how the happiest time in her life has been in your home. You will cheer as you see all the hard work and love you have put into someone who was once a stranger walk across the stage and graduate. You might have the beautiful priviledge of taking home a precious baby from the hospital and ensuring that he or she is totally loved in their first days. You are not only meeting a need, but providing a ministry. A ministry to those we are specifically called to care for. James 1:27
And maybe you can’t foster or adopt. Some people have the heart for it, but their spouse is hesitant. There is always something you can do! If you know me personally, I would love to give you ideas. If you don’t, call your local DHR and ask how you can help. Let’s all take the children who need us into our hearts, and help make their lives as positive as we can.

Be the change.