Jesus Loves Me, This I Know.

I do alot wrong. I say the wrong things. Sometimes I think the wrong things. Sometimes I act the wrong ways. I say all that, because now.. I would like to tell you about something I did right.

I have always known there was more to life than growing up, getting a job, going to church, and helping out here and there. To be acceptable to God, I have always felt like there had to be real sacrifice involved. I've always known you had to be out of your comfort zone. You had to be willing not to just give up your dollars, but your heart. Along with the knowledge of a need for self sacrifice, God gave me a love of children. and not just a love of children, but a love of children in need. Children who do not live behind white picket fences, children who are not raised by soccer moms, children who do not always have the luxury of running water and electricity. That is where God put my heart.

Most of you know I work in a low income school. I live in a low income town. There are so many opportunities to help here that very seldom does my mind drift to any other "mission field". I buy uniforms for my school children, and shoes. I could not tell you how many coats I have bought from Walmart. I talk Tim into paying for Pizza Parties. Grandmama comes to help me teach them to read, mama helps find sponsors, and judge art contests. Daddy volunteers. I try to pull my world into theirs.. maybe so we can all understand we are not so different. I go to their houses, and meet their parents. I try to be a part of their lives. And I know that all of those things do so much more for me, than they could ever do for them.

But Tim and I after alot of prayer decided that it didn't have to stop there. We could still do more. We are young, we are employed, we are stable. We felt like those were good characteristics for foster and potential adoptive parents. We thought that we could take children who needed love, stability, a home and for as long as they needed us.. we could be their safe place. We started foster parent classes in March, we finished them on June 9th. On June 12th, for the first time.. we were foster parents.

Grace was only 18 months old, and that terrified Tim. He told me he had no idea what to do with a baby. But I wish you could have seen him love her. He could calm her at bed time, he could make her laugh with they played, she loved for him to sing the Alabama fight song to her. They had such a special relationship. And I know he will always love Miss Gracie Mae.
I too was a little scared. She couldn't tell me what hurt, she couldn't tell me what she needed.. it was a learning process. And I loved every minute of it. I loved her wanting me to hold her, I loved rocking her before bed, I loved chasing her (literally sometimes) around church. I loved Grace with a love that I had never known before. I didn't mind her 2am crying, I loved teaching her new things. Grace will be in my heart for the rest of my life. I pray that we are allowed to continue a relationship with her. Truly it's hard to imagine life without her.

Jacob was three when he came.. we quickly celebrated his fourth birthday party. From the beginning he was very stubborn (which I happen to think can be a wonderful life skill). We spent tons of time riding bikes, watching football, swimming, going to Jay and Sha Sha's (g and j's favorite thing to do!) Jacob loves school and learning. Tim and I laughed all the time with Jacob, and I will always remember how dedicated he is to taking good care of Grace. Oh, and his prayers.. he prays the most beautiful prayers.

If you knew Grace and Jacob while they were with us, I count you lucky. They are two of the most precious people I have ever known. I thank you for being a part of their lives.

I ask everyone to pray for them every single chance you get. That they will be happy and well taken care of.. that when they grow up they will know Jesus. I ask you to pray that we will be allowed to continue a relationship with them. I ask you to pray for everyone who misses them to find peace.

No more sad entries. I guess I just needed closure. Love to you all.

My heart.

There will come a time that i can write to you about Grace and Jacob. I can tell you how they are beautiful and special. And how they changed my life forever. I will be able to share wtih you the heartbreak I feel today as I miss them.. I will be able to thank everyone who touched their lives. Because I want you to know about them, I want you to know how amazing they are.. but today.. I just want you to know they went home. They are with their parents. And selfishly, I miss them. But because I love them, I am glad. No one should grow up wondering why they aren't with their parents. I ask, maybe I even beg, for your prayers for them.. and for us. I ask you to pray that they will be well taken care of.. and happy. And ask that you will mend our broken hearts. Love to you all.

--Linds

Too blessed to be stressed :)

Do you ever get carried away in thinking about all of the wrong choices you've made? Do you focus on the mistakes, and worry over things that you cannot change? I find myself doing that alot. Wishing I could go back, wishing I could undo, wishing I had known then.. what I know now. And sometimes I catch myself "making bad choices" (as I tell the children).. and to just be plain honest.. it makes me feel a little hopeless. Sunday "the preacher" as I often call him to his daughter.. preached about focusing on positives. And that is what I have to do. I cannot go back. I cannot undo. I cannot change things that have been done. All I can do now is do better. And that is what I need to focus on, doing better. And after some realizations that is what I plan to do.

I never wanted to leave home. I never wanted to be removed from my hometown. I always knew I would grow up and go to college, and then I always knew I would come back. It isn't because I am scared of the big bad world.. it's because I am happy at home. I am happy being close to my mom and grandmom (and dadddy and granddaddy of course!). I am happy attending the church I grew up in, I am happy having one stop light, and no walmart. But there are sacrifices to coming home, there is no starting over. You are now who you always were to most everyone. That is not always bad, but it is a fact. There is not the opportunity to go out there and meet a ton of new people, and sometimes I guess it can lack adventure. Still, I love home. I did find it hard upon returning the lack of friends my age. My youth group for the most part grew up and moved away. High school friends did the same.. so I guess in some sense of the word.. at times.. I am a little lonely.

Last night though, I realized it is not about quantity. It is about quality. I had a wonderful dinner with my two best friends, Melissa and Lauren.

Melissa has been my best friend since I guess I was fifteen. She is loud, and blount, and you pretty much know where you stand with her at all times. She is honest, and sensitive, and one of the most consistent people in my life. We don't talk every day, because we don't have to. But we do have dinner every now and then.. and texting keeps us connected. She makes me laugh, and in life.. that is pretty priceless. I would be there for her no matter what, and how wonderful is it to know she is always there for me.

Lauren is newer. We started to be friends at the beginning of the summer. She was pretty much automatically one of my biggest supporters as far as being a foster parent, and I guess both"having kids" is where our friendship started. But now.. it's definitely much more. I call her with happy news and sad news. And she is always very understanding. And I totally trust her.. although when revealing a secret I do still feel the need to put the disclaimer: "Don't tell the preacher..." (her dad). :) We are kind of unlikely friends.. but I am glad we are. Like Melissa she is freaking hillarious, and she makes my life happier.

So I have decided that I have an amazing family, a job I love, a great church family, and at least two of the best friends in the world. Pretty blessed, huh? :)

Whirlwind.

I have not blogged in so long. I have been meaning to for weeks.. and it just hasn't happened.

Thanksgiving was great. We went to grandmom's like every year.. and it was great for everyone to get together. Jacob, Grace, and Chris all really enjoy all my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, and especially my parents.. so they love any time that we all get together.

Tim's whole family came to our house the Saturday after Thanksgiving.. I think we had 16 people in our house one night! So special. Any time that Tim can be with his family is so special for him, and I am so glad they they could all come and be a part. I am hoping to have them all back this summer for the fourth of July! I hope we have lots of get togethers with the pool this summer!

Christmas was wonderful! My children at school had a great Christmas party! We had pizza, cake, ice cream, and lots of music and gifts! I love Christmas time and it is so much more special when children are involved for sure. Grace, Jacob, and Chris had a wonderful Christmas! They loved caroling, visiting Santa with Anna and William, decorating cookies, and of course opening presents! I will forever cherish the christmas we had this year, I feel blessed to have gotten to be a part of the babies Christmas this year.

We celebrated our second anniversary and got to go away thanks to Tim's parents keeping the babies for the weekend! We had a wonderful time, and were so thankful to them!

When the children will go home, seems to change regularly. We don't know just when, but we do know it is sooner than later. It breaks my heart, Tim and I have cried about it so many times.. but at the end of the day we know we did good.. and we know that good has been done for us.

We learned about love.. a special kind of love. We learned about patience (for sure!!). We learned about self-sacrifice.. not only in taking care of them.. but in taking care of them when we knew they were not ours.. and would not be ours. We took care of them knowing that they would be gone as quickly as they came, and that we would most likely be forgotten. I would not say that selflessness is my strong suit, I have always liked things my way.. so this has taught me so much. I trust God to take care of them forever, and to my church family.. when you fast Wednesday.. please pray that they have happy lives. I want them to grow up to know Jesus, and I want them to be safe and happy.

I cannot help but reflect on 2009.. what a rollercoaster! We went from renting to owning! We went from just us to plus three babies! I made new friendships that I am so thankful for, my family stayed healthy..so many positive things. It was a year of changes, great changes. I can only hope 2010 will be as wonderful for us as 2009 was!

I have a ton more to say.. soon maybe :)