"Be the Change You Wan to See.."

Teaching six year olds when there are only seventeen days left until summer is no easy task. We are taking it one day at a time, but this week two parents have come into my chaos to tell me they know what a "hard job" I have. Haha. Most people don't think of teaching first grade as difficult, come visit me April 1- May 21 and let me change your mind :) I love my job. I think everyone who knows me, knows that. I love teaching, I love my babies, I love my school, my coworkers, my boss.. My life is better because of my job, and I hope that is shown in my interactions.


Chris turns six today. He is really embracing the idea of being a "big boy", which is needed. I spent Jacob and Grace's birthdays with them, and now one with Chris. I can't help but think about their mothers on their birthdays. The nine months she carried them, her hopes for them, and for herself. And how sure I am that things have turned out nothing like what she had hoped. It makes me sad. It also helps me remember that these are not my children, I am just filling in a gap until those mothers can get those dreams they have back on track. There is a book about being a foster mom called "The Middle Mom". It has been suggested to me, but I have not read it yet. Anyway, that is what I feel like. The mom in the middle. I wash them, and feed them, and read to them, and love them. But I did not bring them into the world, they do not carry my name, and ultimately my home is not where they want to be. Not that they are not happy while here, it's just Jacob and Chris both held/hold tightly to the idea of going home. Being with their moms. And I cannot wish any less for them.

I'll stop here for today.

From A to Z...

I don't know what to write about today. Just that I would like to write. Maybe that will take me somewhere.

It has been three months since Jacob and Grace left. It doesn't seem that way. Tim and I find ourselves all the time mentioning them.. missing them.. and continuing to love them. Pray for them if you have a minute, I know that could make all the difference in their sweet little lives.

Tiffany has been here ten weeks now. I promise it feels like longer. I guess you get into the groove and things start to feel like they have always been how they are now.. does that make sense?

Lately, I find myself wanting to put growing up on hold. I am used to the responsibility, I even like the responsibility. It is the learning how to
make it in the world of other, more experienced adults that I find difficult.
It is like one day we are supposed to wake up and be able to fully function and decision make, and live like old pros.. when the truth is.. this whole grown up thing is kind of make it up as we go.. you know? Maybe no one feels like I do. .who knows but it is a learning experience every day for me.

This weekend is my high/college bff and roommate's first bridal shower at my house :) I am looking forward to it and I am overwhelmed by all I have left to do. I am sure it will all come together and go well. I have hosted several get togethers at our new house, and I really do like being "hospitable". I know my children will always be welcomed to have people over, I like a fully happy house :)

Random though this was, I enjoyed writing it.

Have a happy day :)

It's not Thanksgiving.. but a Thankful List :)

I am thankful for:

Parents who drive my children to school each day.
A Grandmother who comes and calmly deals with my classroom of chaos twice a week :)
A husband with the ability to make the best sweet tea in the world.
My J-O-B.
Summer beginning in 31 sweet days.
My love.. reality television.. plus the Good Wife :)
Teenagers who are driven by a desire to please God.
Springtime!!
the fact that I was a girl scout.
who I am becoming.

That's all for now..

First Grade.

My class. I have not told you much about my class. Maybe because I am with them all day everyday and I just assume the rest of the world is as familiar with them as I am. :)

I love my school. I mean I really love my school. I love my principal(s), I love my coworkers, I love the children. I do not dread work like alot of people do, I look forward to it. Now, I could of course use an extra 30 minutes in bed like the rest of the world, but I like going to work.

I work in a place where I am needed. In life, I think that is a feeling that we all long to have. To be needed. Maybe by our own spouses or children, maybe by our employer, maybe by organizations we give our resources to.. in whatever way, we all want to be needed.

I am needed everyday by seventeen six (or newly seven!) year olds. Now, I know that there are 1,000 people who could do my job as well as I do everyday, but I am not sure they could love my children like I do. I have to fuss, sometimes alot. I have to repremand, and I have to punish. And those are not my favorite parts of my job, but they are neccessary. My favorite parts.. when it finally clicks how to turn all the sounds they know into words. When someone selflessly shares.. maybe a crayon or a snack. When I see my rules followed and respected, not because they are my rules, but because in life.. it is important to respect authority. I love how most teachers get Christmas or Valentines day gifts (and I do get one or two each year), but my gifts usually come after the holiday passes. Do you know what they bring me? The things that people gave them. A half-dead flower, or a stuffed animal. Not because they dont want those things, but because more than they want it themselves.. they want to be able to give me something. I know I must have one of the most honest, beautiful, rewarding jobs ever.

We talk all the time about believing in God's plan for our lives. Like it is something in the future that is coming.. I know that I am right in the middle of God's plan for me. I can see it in my marriage, my career, Chris, Tiffany, Jacob, and Grace. I am living God's plan for my little life, and it is wonderful :)