My heart.

There will come a time that i can write to you about Grace and Jacob. I can tell you how they are beautiful and special. And how they changed my life forever. I will be able to share wtih you the heartbreak I feel today as I miss them.. I will be able to thank everyone who touched their lives. Because I want you to know about them, I want you to know how amazing they are.. but today.. I just want you to know they went home. They are with their parents. And selfishly, I miss them. But because I love them, I am glad. No one should grow up wondering why they aren't with their parents. I ask, maybe I even beg, for your prayers for them.. and for us. I ask you to pray that they will be well taken care of.. and happy. And ask that you will mend our broken hearts. Love to you all.

--Linds

Too blessed to be stressed :)

Do you ever get carried away in thinking about all of the wrong choices you've made? Do you focus on the mistakes, and worry over things that you cannot change? I find myself doing that alot. Wishing I could go back, wishing I could undo, wishing I had known then.. what I know now. And sometimes I catch myself "making bad choices" (as I tell the children).. and to just be plain honest.. it makes me feel a little hopeless. Sunday "the preacher" as I often call him to his daughter.. preached about focusing on positives. And that is what I have to do. I cannot go back. I cannot undo. I cannot change things that have been done. All I can do now is do better. And that is what I need to focus on, doing better. And after some realizations that is what I plan to do.

I never wanted to leave home. I never wanted to be removed from my hometown. I always knew I would grow up and go to college, and then I always knew I would come back. It isn't because I am scared of the big bad world.. it's because I am happy at home. I am happy being close to my mom and grandmom (and dadddy and granddaddy of course!). I am happy attending the church I grew up in, I am happy having one stop light, and no walmart. But there are sacrifices to coming home, there is no starting over. You are now who you always were to most everyone. That is not always bad, but it is a fact. There is not the opportunity to go out there and meet a ton of new people, and sometimes I guess it can lack adventure. Still, I love home. I did find it hard upon returning the lack of friends my age. My youth group for the most part grew up and moved away. High school friends did the same.. so I guess in some sense of the word.. at times.. I am a little lonely.

Last night though, I realized it is not about quantity. It is about quality. I had a wonderful dinner with my two best friends, Melissa and Lauren.

Melissa has been my best friend since I guess I was fifteen. She is loud, and blount, and you pretty much know where you stand with her at all times. She is honest, and sensitive, and one of the most consistent people in my life. We don't talk every day, because we don't have to. But we do have dinner every now and then.. and texting keeps us connected. She makes me laugh, and in life.. that is pretty priceless. I would be there for her no matter what, and how wonderful is it to know she is always there for me.

Lauren is newer. We started to be friends at the beginning of the summer. She was pretty much automatically one of my biggest supporters as far as being a foster parent, and I guess both"having kids" is where our friendship started. But now.. it's definitely much more. I call her with happy news and sad news. And she is always very understanding. And I totally trust her.. although when revealing a secret I do still feel the need to put the disclaimer: "Don't tell the preacher..." (her dad). :) We are kind of unlikely friends.. but I am glad we are. Like Melissa she is freaking hillarious, and she makes my life happier.

So I have decided that I have an amazing family, a job I love, a great church family, and at least two of the best friends in the world. Pretty blessed, huh? :)

Whirlwind.

I have not blogged in so long. I have been meaning to for weeks.. and it just hasn't happened.

Thanksgiving was great. We went to grandmom's like every year.. and it was great for everyone to get together. Jacob, Grace, and Chris all really enjoy all my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, and especially my parents.. so they love any time that we all get together.

Tim's whole family came to our house the Saturday after Thanksgiving.. I think we had 16 people in our house one night! So special. Any time that Tim can be with his family is so special for him, and I am so glad they they could all come and be a part. I am hoping to have them all back this summer for the fourth of July! I hope we have lots of get togethers with the pool this summer!

Christmas was wonderful! My children at school had a great Christmas party! We had pizza, cake, ice cream, and lots of music and gifts! I love Christmas time and it is so much more special when children are involved for sure. Grace, Jacob, and Chris had a wonderful Christmas! They loved caroling, visiting Santa with Anna and William, decorating cookies, and of course opening presents! I will forever cherish the christmas we had this year, I feel blessed to have gotten to be a part of the babies Christmas this year.

We celebrated our second anniversary and got to go away thanks to Tim's parents keeping the babies for the weekend! We had a wonderful time, and were so thankful to them!

When the children will go home, seems to change regularly. We don't know just when, but we do know it is sooner than later. It breaks my heart, Tim and I have cried about it so many times.. but at the end of the day we know we did good.. and we know that good has been done for us.

We learned about love.. a special kind of love. We learned about patience (for sure!!). We learned about self-sacrifice.. not only in taking care of them.. but in taking care of them when we knew they were not ours.. and would not be ours. We took care of them knowing that they would be gone as quickly as they came, and that we would most likely be forgotten. I would not say that selflessness is my strong suit, I have always liked things my way.. so this has taught me so much. I trust God to take care of them forever, and to my church family.. when you fast Wednesday.. please pray that they have happy lives. I want them to grow up to know Jesus, and I want them to be safe and happy.

I cannot help but reflect on 2009.. what a rollercoaster! We went from renting to owning! We went from just us to plus three babies! I made new friendships that I am so thankful for, my family stayed healthy..so many positive things. It was a year of changes, great changes. I can only hope 2010 will be as wonderful for us as 2009 was!

I have a ton more to say.. soon maybe :)

Overflowing.

The flu is terrible. Probably the most awful I have felt since I was in the hospital the November before Tim and I got married. I mean I didn’t want to lift my head.. or eat.. or talk.. nothing. Awful. I do feel better now.. not one hundred percent by any means.. but better. I was out of work Thursday and Friday.. and Friday afternoon DHR called us about a little boy who needed a home. I have never thought of the children that we could potentially take in as homeless.. but I guess that is just what they are.. without a home. Anyway.. I was sick.. mama and daddy had been taking care of the kids for two days.. tim had to referee a game.. but he had no where to go.. so he came to us. Tim and I had not planned on taking any more children for now.. but God’s plans are bigger than my plans. Some people thought our hands were full.. so now I guess they are overflowing :) I guess we just don’t have it in us to turn babies away.. my house and my car are full now.. so this should be all for awhile. Just continue to pray for my house of now..well.. five :)

Happy Birthday To You?

Ever since 9-11.. it is safe to say I have not had the most celebrated day for my birthday. Rightfully, my birthday is spent mourning the loss of thousands of Americans who were killed due an act of hate. So I guess ever since my 17th birthday.. the day of the terrorist attacks.. I have not been really excited about my birthday. This year the lack of excitement hit me even harder than most. I just could not get pumped about my birthday. My friend Lauren was going to take me out for dinner and pedicures.. Tim was taking me out of town for the weekend.. my mom had planned my bday sunday lunch.. and while I was looking forward to all of those things very much.. I just didn't feel very "birthdayish". They called me from the office Friday morning to tell me Tim had sent me flowers for my birthday, and they would bring them down after reading. I was not surprised, but thankful. Tim is such a thoughtful man. Right after I hung up with the office my phone rang again. It was my mom and I picked up the phone. She told me Tim had been taking to the hospital by the paramedics.. and I needed to be there asap. It was the most awful feeling I have ever had in my entire life. Like my heart just hit the floor. I pretty much ran out of school crying (I often thank the Lord for my understanding, christian boss). When I got to the hospital Tim was alert, and concerned. After many tests.. they admitted him for the night. Spending the night in the hospital is awful. You don't sleep, it's uncomfortable.. we waited Saturday morning to see his doctor only to find out she would not be coming to see him. We were discharged with no test results etc.. by the on call doctor. I was so worried. He rested Saturday night and Sunday (and at some point started running a temp!) And Monday morning I took him to my doctor.. who I have the greatest confidence in.. and believe has with the Lord's help saved my daddy a time or two. Dr. Patel is sending us for more tests today.. I feel sure Tim is fine.. and I am glad that Dr. Patel is checking him out to be safe. Between the babies being sick, my issue a couple of weeks ago, and Tim's problems now my feelings are spread pretty thin. I always desire your prayers :)

Next year, let's just skip my birthday please! I think it is cursed!

One Month.

I haven't written in a long time. School started, and things got crazy. Mornings start before six.. and we usually finish putting babies to bed around 8. So.. at the end of the day I am so tired.. makes it harder to write.. although if you know me you know that I always have plenty to say.

I have a really great class this year. The Lord really blessed me with them. They are sweet and I often think about how much potential they have. I always appreciate your prayers for them.

One month. That is the projected time left that the babies will be with us. Of course, that could change. These estimates are always based on circumstances, and as we all know those can change. It pretty much breaks my heart. I am not sure you can understand how absolutely attached to babies you can become in three months.. but it is unbelievable. I guess when you wake up in the middle of the night with them, and take care of them when they are sick.. and watch them as they learn new words.. and how to pray.. When you take them to their first ballgame.. or their first trip to the beach.. when you wipe tears.. and hold hands.. change diapers.. celebrate birthdays.. when you are here day in and day out.. I guess how could you help but feel like they are yours. And so the thought of them leaving breaks my heart, I told Tim I think I would feel better if I could just go somewhere and cry really hard.. cry until I had just let it all out. Then maybe I would be okay. Then maybe I could have some peace. We decided to foster with the hopes of making a difference.. with the desire to do the Lord's work.. and I guess at the end of the day that is where I have to find my peace.. knowing that through heartbreak and sad feelings.. I am trying to do what I believe is right. I know I am rambling.. I have become a rambler in my old age.. but it does feel better to say these things. God has blessed me to have them, that is something I know for sure.

They are two wonderful little people.

It's the Last Day of SUMMER!! :(

I am not super sad that summer is over.. I love the beginning of the school year when my new babies come.. and I get to know them. I love the excitement that everyone feels at the beginning of the year. It is a new chance for the children and the teachers to make this year an even better year. But this year is different. I am going to miss being home with the babies. In this short time, (about 7 weeks) I have gotten really used to our little summer routine.. waking up around 8:30.. breakfast.. cartoons.. bike riding.. lunch with mom or friends if we are lucky.. and afternoon naps.. waking up just in time for Tim to get home and have a fun night together. I will miss the summer days :) But the babies are excited about their schools.. and I know that we will make a nice routine out of the school year days and nights as well :)

I am continuing with the lady bug theme in my classroom. I just added to it this year.. and believe it or not.. my room is almost ready! Their are still copies to run.. and floors to vaccum.. but for the most part.. I am ready.

I should go! It was a happy wonderful life changing summer :) Prayers as the school year begins!

Love to all :)